I wish lesbian only bars still existed
There is a "lesbian bar" close to where I live, but the crowd seems to be pretty mixed. I just want a space where there's no straight people to deal with. Bi and queer people would be fine. I don't really identify as a lesbian myself.
I just don't feel safe expressing my sexuality around straight people. What I mean by sexuality isn't just sexual orientation. I also mean acting sexy or showing sexual interest. When I know I'm going to deal with straight people I avoid looking sexy or showing sexual interest. I don't want straight guys to show interest in me and I don't want to deal with hitting on straight girls. They just get way too weird.
Since I'm constantly dealing with straight people I never feel safe expressing my sexuality. I guess a lot of straight people are happy about that because they don't want me to shove my sexuality down their throats. I don't want to do that either, but I sometimes think this makes me miss out on a lot. I'm probably losing more things than just my sexuality when I try to hold it back.
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Sadly, even the last one in San Francisco closed a little over six months ago. Where I live, the last one closed five years ago, replaced by a sports bar / cigar club that was *not* LGBT friendly. It's really odd; as society has progressed and legal equality has started to look fully attainable, all the old support systems simply disappeared. They were the Facebook / Instagram / Twitter / tumblr of the generation that reached adulthood in the 70's and 80's. That crowd has grown up, settled down, fought their fight and moved on. The bars that were left during the 2000's seemed almost...gimmicky, like instead of being a rare safe haven, being a gay or lesbian bar was something to advertise to straight people, like tourists going to Hard Rock Cafe. Seems they've in part been replaced by things like meet-up groups focused on interests, like hiking, dogs, etc.. In other words, the same singles venues everyone else has to use. And yes, I realize you may not be specifically looking for that, but it would be a way to find out where women do tend to congregate. As would contacting a local LGBT center. Not everything is online; the old school underground network does still exist, especially when there are still dangers - or just discomforts - to being out & proud.
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“For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.”
―Carl Sagan
Gay/lesbian bars definitely feel more like a place to get targeted than actually feeling safe. Just because there's not as much violence or explicit homophobia doesn't mean queer people aren't targeted. I still get a lot of hidden homophobia from straight people. That is one reason I don't feel like being out. They do stuff like tell me they don't care about my sexuality or imply I'm going through a phase. Even if they don't I always feel weird when I tell people my sexuality. It just makes me feel drained and heavy.
I've looked at meetup groups in my area, but they're usually 30+. I've tried GSAs or LGBT centers, but no one really came to the meetings. I guess the best I can do is try out goth or kinky nights. They sound like fun even though they'll be full of straight people.
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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 124 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical
Why not start a private club that restricts its membership to the LGBTQ community? As long as it has specific, stated membership requirements, there should not be a problem. You could even have rules that members must follow, such as the "No Trolling" rules on this website.
Of course, I'm basing this idea on the "Tobacco Clubs" that have sprouted up around the Los Angeles area. Even though the law says "Thou Shalt Not Smoke" within a public space, these private clubs operate openly because their stated purpose is to provide a refuge for smokers to socialize.
goldfish21
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Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Even here in Vancouver I don't think there are any 100% lesbian only bars, simply because there isn't enough demand to keep them operating. There are, however, several different gay bars/lounges that are always very lesbian friendly that also host lesbian/ladies nights at least once a month. Then there are other groups that tour from pub to pub holding events. One of them is called "Queers and Beers" & holds a craft beer night at a different bar once every month or so. The organizer is a lesbian and about 80% of the people at the last one were women vs. gay guys.
Maybe you need to find out when and where the "ladies" (lesbian) nights are in your town. And also check out Facebook and meetup.com or other sites to find groups that rove around from place to place. I'm sure they exist in other cities as they do here.
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Maybe you need to find out when and where the "ladies" (lesbian) nights are in your town. And also check out Facebook and meetup.com or other sites to find groups that rove around from place to place. I'm sure they exist in other cities as they do here.
I briefly visited a lesbian bar in Vancouver. It seemed to have a few guys that didn't look too gay.
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Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 124 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical
goldfish21
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Maybe they were, maybe they weren't. I never "look gay" with the exception of when my hair was dyed like it is in my avatar.
Could have been straight, though. The West End of Vancouver used to be VERY gay, but now it's a very mixed neighbourhood - gay/straight/seniors etc and everyone is welcome everywhere so a lot of gay friendly straight people hang out in the what used to be strictly gay bars. Also, gay people are more welcomed than ever at regular pubs/bars, and then there's hookup apps further decreasing the demand for gay bars.. worldwide - gay specific bars are closing in gay friendly countries. Might make it ever harder to find a lesbian specific bar these days. I predict that in the future there will be a niche market for gay nightclubs that are a throwback to gay specific clubs once they're few and far between or almost non-existent. Blah blah, anyways, good luck.
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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.
It isn't just lesbian bars, but gay clubs as well. A "gay club" opened a few years back here and it quickly got swarmed by straight people looking to look 'progressive'. I went there a few times (with straight people, of course) and was only approached by women. The only guy who seemed to flirt with me was, surprisingly, the bartender. I even saw a guy say aloud "I thought this was a gay bar." before leaving.
I'm glad that society as progressed to the point that young people WANT to be seen at gay-friendly establishments, but at the same time, it'd be nice to have a place where I don't have to flirt with 20 guys before finding the gay one.
Of course, I'm basing this idea on the "Tobacco Clubs" that have sprouted up around the Los Angeles area. Even though the law says "Thou Shalt Not Smoke" within a public space, these private clubs operate openly because their stated purpose is to provide a refuge for smokers to socialize.
That's a good idea and I'm surprised this isn't a thing already. It might be, but I haven't heard of it being done. If I win the lottery, I know what I'm going to do!
goldfish21
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Joined: 17 Feb 2013
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Nowadays, the reason why there are so few is, possibly, because they don't really see the need to be hidden any more.
Yep - that plus phone apps like grindr to find other gay people via.
Which is why it's a bit of a treat to go to a truly gay bar/party, for us gay people anyways.
_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.
Not to resurrect a dead thread, but....
I was on my way home when I realized that even in the greater S.F. Bay Area the need for such places still exist, however, all of the 'gayborhoods' are gone due to gentrification.
-Noe Valley
-The Castro
-Parts of The Haight & Lower Pacific Heights
-The Mission
At one point some years back as Google and Facebook employees were moving in, most of the LGBT people moved across the bay and elsewhere. They formed a few enclaves, but they never really took hold as everyone was spread out too far. Looking elsewhere, I notice that Multomah Village in Portland & many others that were still around here in the West in the early 2000's are gone, too. West Hollywood appears to be diminishing. Can it be too long before Provincetown in the East and Guerneville out West are the only places left that have Pride flags flying year round - and let's face it they are pretty much gay tourist spots?
_________________
“For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.”
―Carl Sagan
It may be that a "Gays Only" establishment is perceived by even its intended clientele as discriminatory in nature.
Think about it ... how long do you think that a commercial, for-profit establishment advertising itself as "Straights Only" would survive in a society that tends to perceive pride in being straight, white, or conservative as both oppressive and bigoted?
Think about it ... how long do you think that a commercial, for-profit establishment advertising itself as "Straights Only" would survive in a society that tends to perceive pride in being straight, white, or conservative as both oppressive and bigoted?
Um...haven't really seen that, no...I think it has to do with being part of a marginalized community or simply a minority. LGBT bars weren't so much exclusionary as inclusionary. It's still pretty rare that a LGBT person can go into most bars and flirt with someone without risking getting in serious trouble, you know?
_________________
“For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.”
―Carl Sagan
Is that what the OP is actually looking for - a place to meet, flirt, and take home those who share her sexual interests?
Is that what this thread is really all about?
Is that what the OP is actually looking for - a place to meet, flirt, and take home those who share her sexual interests?
Is that what this thread is really all about?
Doesn't have to be.
_________________
“For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.”
―Carl Sagan
It would be nice if there would be a mixed bar where people could wear a blue bracelet if they want to meet a guy, a pink bracelet if they want to meet a girl and no bracelet if they want to be left alone.
_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 124 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical
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