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Lilyz
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06 Nov 2015, 7:39 pm

I have always been interested in things that are considered 'boyish', I used to play with matchbox cars, I watched Thomas the Tank Engine, I love Star Fox (The majority of the Star Fox fanbase is male), etc. And it's not just that which is making me question my gender, I don't like feminism, despite being a girl myself. One time when I was younger, I actually said "Boys rule, girls drool" AND I AM A GIRL.

I also don't like the idea of girls being smarter than boys, I don't like seeing TV shows where a girl is screaming in a guy's face because he did something 'wrong'. I also don't think girls should be able to slap guys. It's considered 'harsh' for a guy to slap a girl, but it is considered 'strong' for a girl to slap a guy. And I think that is just stupid.

I haven't really been attracted to other females, I have crushes on guys, but I am still questioning my gender.

Another thing is that when I browse through anime wallpapers, I see a million awesome wallpapers with hot anime girls, but it's pretty rare to find a decent wallpaper with a hot anime guy. "Dang, why are there so many hot girls!? I wish I was a guy!! !"

I also usually prefer the male characters in TV shows, games, books, etc. There are a few exceptions, but I just find myself cheering on the guys and "Bleh"ing at the gals.

Maybe I just don't like other women, but I still question my gender... I know nothing about LGBT stuff, so I am asking for advice.

Am I LGBT or do I just hate women?



cinnabot
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06 Nov 2015, 9:39 pm

It's a long path of self-discovery you are on.

One thing to think about, is to try to figure out what it really means for you to be a girl, vs. what society thinks a girl should be.

You can try a thought experiment, imagining you have gone to a different country where it's okay for girls to act and feel the way you do, and see if that vision makes you happy.

I think the truest source of gender identity comes from within. It's just hard to listen to that tiny inner-voice, with the whole world shouting it's preconceived notions at you. But do try.



kraftiekortie
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06 Nov 2015, 10:50 pm

You're a girl who is not into gender stereotypes.



thatsrobrageous
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07 Nov 2015, 3:54 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
You're a girl who is not into gender stereotypes.


Exactly what I thought. A girl who chooses not to associate with the "feminine standard of women" Do you. No F**ks Given. :)



kraftiekortie
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07 Nov 2015, 5:52 am

If you have crushes on guys, you're probably on your way to being heterosexual (straight).



dcj123
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07 Nov 2015, 6:41 am

Lilyz you sound like a friend of mine, she is very anti female and states they are crazy and manipulative and I never saw her as having gender issues. I have suspected she was bisexual but she has a boyfriend now so maybe not. Point is, you are a straight female without gender stereotypes like kraftiekortie said.



cinnabot
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07 Nov 2015, 4:03 pm

Why is everyone telling the OP who they are, on the basis of a single post?

Only they can decide what they are. You can offer things to think about, and encourage self-exploration, but this is not a simple issue.



Aldran
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10 Nov 2015, 3:19 pm

FWIW;

Your age in your description says you're 13, so you still have alot of road yet left to travel. However, my advice is to question EVERYTHING, or at least as much as your curiosity allows without getting overwhelmed..... If that includes your gender, so be it. Question it all you want, it will be up to you however to decide for yourself at every moment in your life that you do so, what you think, and how you feel about it.

That said I agree with Cinna bot, Don't let others tell you what you are. Ironically enough My college just hosted this little video seminar which might help you some:
Rosie King "How Autism freed me" - Has alot about Stereotypes and "What's Normal?"

Hope that Helps,
-Aldran



Edenthiel
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10 Nov 2015, 10:35 pm

First of all, that gender is a binary is an illusion. A comforting one for people who like absolutes but nonetheless an illusion. Take any gendered or sex attribute, collect the data on a population and you'll find each individual falls somewhere on a dumbbell curve for each attribute.

But what is meant by the 'gender' you are questioning?

Internal gender identity - This is the same as saying what sex you feel like inside, ignoring what your body actually is. For more than 99% of people this matches their body. But it's important to note that there is some percent of people who are simply neutral. Their body is what it is and they don't really feel any special affiliation with its gender.

Externally, things get a lot more varied. For instance...

Gender role - this is the social role you play and "get" to play as shaped by how others treat you. In our culture, men and women are often given different roles to play. Roles are a social construction and so have quite a bit of variation.

Gender expression - how you move, how you decorate yourself with clothing, hair and other choices. Your gender expression will often affect how others treat you and what role they allow you to play.

Sexual orientation - this isn't actually part of gender, as men can be attracted to men & women to women, and anywhere in between. And its actually internal, an intrinsic part of who you are. But it is also an expression of gender in our culture simply because most people expect men to be attracted to women and vice versa. There are a lot of things in our culture like that...

But here's the big question: Given all the above, it is possible that what you are recognizing is that you don't fit into one or more of the gendered, binary *expectations* that surround you? If so, you may well find that whatever area of life doesn't fit, there are more people out there who are like you than you assume.


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kraftiekortie
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11 Nov 2015, 10:24 am

I never told anybody what they "are."



Edenthiel
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11 Nov 2015, 11:53 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I never told anybody what they "are."
My apologies, Kraftiekortie, but considering the OP was questioning their gender &/or sexuality this comment might easily be taken as telling them what they are. Probably based on the, "you are a girl" part:
kraftiekortie wrote:
You're a girl who is not into gender stereotypes.


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MindWithoutWalls
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12 Nov 2015, 4:36 pm

A reply well done, Edenthiel.

Speaking for myself, I am 47 and have struggled over my gender identity because of my experiences with the attitudes of both straight and Gay people I've personally known, as well as society at large. And I can tell you that your gender is different from your values and your feelings about other people. All I can tell you about being a man is this:

In my personal opinion, there are only two rules to being a man, once you discover an internal sense of being male.

1) Don't be a dick. (Meaning no offense to anyone whose name is Richard, of course.) Autism can make me feel as though there are more ways I'm likely to mess up, but at least my mistakes can be honest ones, based on my difficulties, as opposed to resulting from a bad attitude.

2) Be your own man. Autism makes this rather easy for me, at least in some ways, because I seem unable to do anything else very well most of the time. But it's no guarantee, given how I've felt so inhibited about my male identity that I've had to hide it, even from myself, for so long.

The comparison I concern myself with is not between being a man and being a woman. It's between being a man and a boy. For women, mixed gendered people, and nongendered people, it's their own version of that. So, one approach you might take is to consider your ideals. Do you like to think about what kind of man you want to grow up to be? What kind of woman? Neither? Both?

I value my experience of having lived in a female body, because it has made me sensitive to how women are treated. Being a man doesn't make me dislike or look down on women. Maybe more men should get a taste of being treated the way women are.

Will I change my body? I don't know. I'll be me, whatever my body looks like. I mainly object to the way people in female bodies are treated. I also object to the way racial groups I don't belong to are treated. You don't have to identify as being a member of a group to care what they face. When I was very young, my feelings about girls were sometimes negative, because I was experiencing a childhood struggle towards an identity denied me in any public way. But I've been directly subjected to sexism and homophobia over the course of my life, grown up, been part of the feminist and Gay rights movements, been diagnosed with Asperger's, and reassessed a lot about my background. You're right that women shouldn't hit men. But it's because people shouldn't hit each other. No need to cheer on one sex over the other.

I know this is a long post already, so I'll wind it up at this point. If you're interested, I've written more about my thinking at my Website. You can rad it here: Meet Me At the Intersection

Good luck to you in your journey. I hope you are in a good position to have the freedom to truly discover who you are and live out your truth. If not, then I hope you're able to eventually find the support you need. I wish you well.


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