Not Identifying with LGBT Subculture?

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I am just wondering who else does not feel part of the LGBT subculture, and/or lacks interest in joining it. I am an openly gay man in a city that has a rather large LGBT community. There is definitely a large subculture here. I notice that older gay men incorporate it into their identities more than gay men my age, though they came of age in a different era. I sometimes feel guilty that I do not feel more affinity to the LGBT subculture.

Anyways, I was just wondering if there are any other LGBT aspies who also felt little or no affinity for the subculture, and are reasonably comfortable with their sexuality.

I grew disillusioned with the gay community/subculture a long time ago.

It depends on what part. I tend to like to talk to other people who are lgbt and ND but its hard for me to interact with neurotypicals no matter what else we have in common. I feel more comfortable around lgbt people than cis heterosexuals, but if someone was gay and NT i would feel less comfortable around them than an ND straight cis person (unless they were actively homophobic).

I think it has its uses, and I identify with some parts and not others. I know I specifically looked for LGBT groups in AA because frankly I had enough s**t to deal with trying not to die before 30, and for an autistic, going into a group of strangers to talk about your proverbial dirty laundry is weird enough without also having to deal with cis, hetero, square crap being put on me and people freaking out because I am trans. I was eliminating potential problems and trying to make it easier for myself to get help. The LGBT spaces helped there, definitely.
But there are parts of the community that I steer clear of, especially the hypersexual aspects where it's all about beats and hookups and promiscuity. I don't have a problem at all with people who want to be involved in this (I have had a few beat-crazy gay male friends before who did it every Saturday night without fail) but I don't identify with the idea that just because you're queer, you're a nymphomaniac. A lot of the sh***y politics turn me off, too, such as the infamous "not gay / trans enough" rhetoric.
You can pick and choose which parts to be involved with, which not.

I don't understand the LGBT subculture - well the lesbian side of it anyway. I really tried for a couple of years to connect with people there but I couldn't fit in. Being on the spectrum I navigate social groups by working out what the rules are and sticking to them, but I couldn't work it out - they seemed to keep changing.

I don't even know what the LGBT subculture is. I joined an LGBT club on campus last year, but I eventually stopped going to meetings because I couldn't fit in. I didn't know what I was dong wrong. Apparently there is a whole different set of "rules" for LGBT dating, and I have no idea what they are.

The only area I can seem to fit in a little bit is the crossdresser/sissy subculture, and even that is "iffy" due to the fact I can't walk in high tapered heels or wear mascara on my eyes. Having my own natural long hair does help, but I think most perceive me as nothing more than a gender-bending androgynist, and perhaps that's as far as I'll ever go which is fine.

I am alienated from the gay /lesbian sub-culture to which I once had tenuous connection. It's like a club of some kind where what we share is being gay, but so what? Do heterosexual people hang out together just because they are all straight? I have often felt more affinity with heterosexual NT men who I share some interest with than a bunch of lesbians getting together to "be" lesbians together. But I don't fit in with any group except maybe my Aspie peer group, so nothing new.

I wish I had queer friends and I feel like it's something I'm missing in my life, but I have a tough time making friends anyway because I'm so shy. I came out late into high school and I've been pretty much on my own since then. Tried dating a little bit in college, but I don't think that's a game I'm very good at. It's like you have an hour to try and get someone to like you enough to want to spend another hour with you, and I just can't open up that quick, hah It's so rare to find someone that I click with and feel comfortable around, and even then it takes time. Being gay just means I have an even smaller pool of potential friends or partners.

I've also found that most lesbians are into drinking and/or smoking, and don't want much to do with you if you aren't. I don't even like to go to bars because drunks make me uncomfortable. Guess it's a deal-breaker on both sides. And that's not even touching on my asexuality. Unfortunately bars are one of the only ways to meet people, especially outside of campus towns. Nowhere, Midwest is a pretty hopeless place to live if you're LGBT.

Yeah, I'm bi/pan and don't identify with the LGBT subculture, but it's not really surprising to me because I don't identify with any cultures/subcultures at all really.

One thing I struggle a bit with when dating gay women is that nearly all of them like to talk about lesbianism a lot, and the cultural stuff that apparently goes with it. They tend to be quite proactive about selecting friends based on their sexuality, and they are often wary of dating bi women. They know a lot of terms and stereotypes and stuff that I just don't care about.

I have been rather surprised at how difficult it is to find a lesbian who is just a woman who happens to be attracted to women, rather than a woman who strongly identifies with being a lesbian and considers it a big part of her life. I think it is an NT thing to latch onto identities? This is perhaps why...

Yeah I relate to that quite strongly.

I can see your point there, but I think sometimes it's just a point of commonality, of shared experience. Like would Buddhists/movie geeks/dancers/backpackers/football fans/parents hang out together just because of those common factors? Yep.
I also feel more at ease with some, though not all, LGBT groups because I know I am not going to get hate laid on me for being that way. I have had a lot of people finding out I'm queer and refusing to have anything more to do with me.

I don't really identify with asexual subculture. Mainly because it seems most of them are romantic asexuals with a normal libido, and I'm aromantic asexual with no libido, and there seems to be some hostility towards people like me in the asexual community. (I think because they feel people like me challenge their identity by being more asexual than them. Which makes no sense to me - the fact that LFAs exist doesn't mean I'm not autistic.)

Also, many asexuals like to emphasize that their asexuality is not due to having a disability, and in the process make some very ableist remarks. They also like to emphasize that they're not victims of sexual abuse. Since I'm a victim of sexual abuse and have a disability that I think did make me asexual, I feel really alienated by comments like that.

I was ignored in gay bars in NY, ignored in gay bars in LA, ignored in gay bars in Seattle, etc. I don't even bother with the gay community anymore because of all these rejections. I've never been to a gay parade either and never will.

Yeah, I can understand movie geeks hanging out to watch and discuss movies, backpackers hanging out to go backpacking, football fans going to the footy together, etc. etc. But what do lesbians "do"? It's not an interest or activity. Unless they actually hang out to discuss or act out lesbianism, I can understand that. And they do tend to do that from what I've observed, but also tend to claim that's not the purpose.

I get the comfort thing. Personally though, I tend to feel less comfortable in these types of groups that ones based on an activity or interest.

I do, and in some ways I don't. I don't relate to straight people. I work with straight dudes and can reasonably pass as straight and NT(ish). My boss and the two guys whom he also hired from the web development school I attended know that I'm gay. But that doesn't stop anyone I work with from calling things "gay" as a pejorative (so very high school, ugh), which makes me feel a bit weird, but I'm used to working in environments like that.

I like the idea of LGBT community. When my very straight and Christian parents found out I'm gay, they kicked me out. I was 22 and dealing with depression and anxiety so bad I'd been asked to take a leave of absence for school or be kicked out. I wasn't going to "renounce" that part of myself. A lesbian friend of mine whom I'd met at an LGBT youth group years prior let me live in her spare bedroom. If it hadn't been for that bit of community, I would have been homeless in a town that has no LGBT-affirming shelters. It would have been a choice between living in the car or choosing to live in a shelter that actively invalidates a core and immutable part of who I am.

That being said, I'm not a super social person, so this issue only comes up when I have sufficient down time to wish I had something to do, which rarely happens. I wish that there were more places to socialize that weren't bars or clubs. My dream social group would be LGBT geeks. I guess I'm still trying to find my niche.

I think it's important to try to connect with LGBT (&QQI) people in as broad an array of situations as possible.
My impression is that there's a gay subculture with rules and norms: and they inevitably reject me. But I know that I'm applying all sorts of cognitive distortions here.

Places where LBGTQQI folks once met are disappearing, even in large cities. Furthermore most "gayborhoods" in most cities have gentrified beyond the means of working-class gays, and as a result are in a state of atrophy. And if you're not into EDM and drinking there can be few options. But- as a previous writer posted, LGBT 12 step groups have actually helped me a lot.

I think our expectations can be part of the problem- I know that I go into situations where I expect to meet ppl like me, but I fail to remember I'm very unusual, and therefore that's gonna be a bigger challenge. Yet I inevitably forget all that and blame everyone else for not being everything that I want them to be.

I guess I'd advise others to try, & keep trying. I keep trying.

I forgot to add: more than accepting my sexuality, I actually love it, and I'm grateful to be gay/queer! No regrets!