How can I tell a friend to stop outing me?

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I'm nonbinary and use they/them pronouns, but I'm only out to people I know online (tumblr, not facebook) and a few friends. However, one of those friends keeps outing me, especially to large groups.

For example, at easter she turned to me and said "so Luke (i don't actually go by Luke but let's roll with it) I was talking to my dad and he asked why I kept saying they when I was talking about you" in front of her entire family party, and continued to explain to the room how she explained what nonbinary meant to her father. I was visibly uncomfortable and even got up and walked out for part of it, but she didn't seem to notice that I didn't want to talk about it- and she's not even on the spectrum.

I also chose a name to go by that isn't my birth name, but like my pronouns, I only go by that name online or with a select few. Otherwise, I'm closeted to most people I know IRL. Rather than introduce me as that chosen name, she'll introduce me as my childhood nickname, which is just weird and uncomfortable.

She's trying to pave the way to her coming out as genderqueer to her family and other friends, but I feel like she should let me come out on my own time and that she's violating my privacy by telling everyone these very personal things about me.

Has anyone else had a similar experience?

I'm not LGBTQ, but I think her behavior is appalling. Maybe she feels like she is helping you, because she's trying to come out and thinks that you should to. So I'm guessing that she's doing it on purpose, thinking that she is doing you a favor and knows better than you do what you should do.

Either that or she is totally oblivious. Either way, it's a really personal decision to come out, and I think that you should only have to when/if you are ready. She is taking something really private and personal and revealing it to people without your permission.

Have you talked to her about this at all, or tried to hint at it? I would think that the best thing to do would be to talk to her and tell her how you feel, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Just my two cents.

I'd nip it in the bud with her that it's bothering you before it goes any further. If you talk to her and she keeps it up, cut her off.

So she's outing you but hasn't come out herself yet? And you think she's doing it make her family and other friends familiar with nonbinary gender identities so they will be less shocked/more accepting or whatever when she eventually comes out herself? (This is how I translate "she's trying to pave the way to her coming out as genderqueer")

That sounds like she's just using you -- which is a huge betrayal of your trust and a selfish, non-friend-like thing to do.

If I were in your position, I would just tell her that I didn't want other people to know and ask her to stop. Regardless of whether or not her motivations were altruistic or selfish, If she didn't stop, our friendship would either be over or irreparably damaged in that I would never tell her anything remotely personal ever again.

Try using these words: "Stop outing me."

I think I'd wait for her to out you in front of people again, and then loudly say "That's right. How do your family feel about you being genderqueer? Interesting that you need to tell them all about me, when they should understand it from your situation already!"

Perfect!