Doubting being trans & general drama

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Hi everyone!

Since the age of about 11, my special interests have mostly manifested themselves as phases. For example, I had a very long obsession on Taylor Swift during which I dressed like her, wrote her letters, watched her videos all the time etc. Most of these phases were fixations on particular celebrities and involved me partly trying to look and be like the object of the fixation.

Last year, I went through a six month long period where my special interest was figuring out my sexuality (and obviously I did turn out to be not straight). I went through that phase with my gender identity probably January-April this year. I came to the conclusion that I'm a trans guy and that has seemed accurate since.

The other day I told my mum I'm questioning my gender and she took it very badly, largely because she says it's just an equivalent of one of my phases of trying to be like someone else. I can sort of see her logic and am now terrified I'm really cis and will have to come out as a girl again to all my friends.

So my question basically is, has anyone else had any similar experiences and from what I've written, does it sound like I'm trans or a girl pretending to be trans? Thanks

I think it is normal to question your gender even when you already think you have it figured out. When I came out to my mom she thought It was just a phase but that was four years ago and It hasn't turned out to be a phase yet. Start thinking more often in terms of who you are and how you see yourself.

If after you've given it lots of thought and have found that you are actually cis then that's ok. I hope you're friends will be understanding. I can't tell you if you're trans or not because ultimately only you have the power to determine that.

In my experience, If someone is questioning whether they're cis or not, they probably aren't cis.

One of the great difficulties that we have in the progressive world today is that we seem to have forgotten that its normal and OK to experiment with gender identity. Its very common to have these feelings. Having feelings that you prefer another gender does not mean that you are required to change your body, take hormones, or do anything for that matter. Some people will discover that their gender dysphoria is pervasive. They need those physical changes to feel well. But for the vast majority of teens and young adults, questioning gender is a normal thing to go through and doesn't need to be treated as a big life change. It is something that is OK to go through. That we have to worry about "coming out" as cis if we change our mind is so painful. Its normal to spend time in life when one gender expression is dominant, and then to go through another phase of life when you feel differently. Even the idea that its somehow not real because its not permanent is bull hockey. Calling something "a phase" today is a way of disrespecting it. But ALL life is a phase, if you think about it. And going through phases is really important to our development. Its just as real and important as things that aren't phases.

I've worked with people who are detransitioning because they thought that the transition would make them "better" and it didn't. Physically transitioning doesn't cure depression or anxiety unless that depression and anxiety is directly related to wanting the opposite gendered body. But those changes are permanent when you do physical transition stuff. You can't reverse all of them, and unfortunately, there are quiet a few young people who are forging ahead without seeing the fullness of what that means.

So anyways, long story short - the drama is about society and how we've decided that gender has to be this inborn, fixed state. I'm saying it loud and clear. It doesn't have to be this way. Some people experience it as such, but most don't. Your mom might not have given your feelings the respect they deserve. We all want to be seen and understood. But she had a point. You might not feel this way in a few years. And that doesn't mean that what you are feeling now doesn't count.

Hi, Somanyspoons,

What sort of clinic do you own?

Chiropractic.