Gay people: would you date a bisexual?
I'm bisexual and you'd think that'd double my chances at getting laid, but apparently not, haha. Apparently some gay people only want to date other gay people. Which is totes up to you, of course! I'd be a lame as*hole if I attacked your partner preferences. But I'm really curious, honestly - why are some gay people repelled by the idea of dating bisexuals? I hear some people have bad experiences with bisexuals and if that's the case, would you be willing to share your experiences?
This isn't about judging anyone - I am just curious is all.
First off, I'll start by saying I'm also bisexual so this is just what I've picked up from being in the the community and generally assumed to be gay (because my long term partner is another man, also bisexual, I am generally assumed to be gay until I say otherwise).
Well there's this idea in the gay community (especially among the neurotypicals in it) that if you're bisexual you're one of a few things:
1) a gay person who just can't admit it yet - they rationalise not wanting to date these ones because they see them either as self hating, or kind of half-formed sexually
2) a straight person who just wants attention - This is idea is more found in gay women than gay men but it still occurs in both, here the reason for gay people not wanting to date bisexuals is fairly obvious. Who wants to get invested in a romantic relationship just to find out that they're straight?
3) genuinely bisexual but bisexuals (in their mind) are incapable of monogamy because they're attracted to more than one gender - with this though there's a reaaaaaal confirmation bias going on, because once one bisexual cheats on them (or even someone they know!) boom, proof, bisexuals are cheaters (and sure, some are, just like some straight people are and some gay people are, it's a ridiculous idea but it's there none the less).
Now this not to say there *aren't* gay men and women who date bisexual people, there totally are - there's also other bisexual people to date!
To some people it's a quite big deal. I mean some gays need their parter(s) to be gay too.
But personally I don't agree with this. I like to keep things simple: If two people are in love with each other, what else matters? (Of course interests and such, but I mean things like gender, sex or sexual and/or romantic orientation)
not just dating one, I am marrying a womon next month who is Bi
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F**K Yeah, I would date a man who is bisexual. The stereotypes only emerged because people do not know how to deal with anything different from the norm. For someone who is bisexual, they have both worlds I look for men who like men at least obviously. I have seen the disregard for bisexuals in the gay community and I must say as a gay man myself, I am appalled by their intolerance and yet they want to be mainstreamed with the heterosexual community. If I end up meeting a man who is bisexual and I really like him. I will do it, end of story. I have little regard for those who judge my man of choice. I do what I want and when I want
sleepingfish
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I have heard other lesbians refuse to date bisexuals because there are people who label themselves bisexuals who are not. These include straight people who are just experimenting and don't want to say so. This has lead to hard feelings for some folks who have had their hearts broken. Another issue for gay people who are uncomfortable dating bisexuals is just insecurity. Some women feel way more insecure about being left for a man, though I don't entirely understand this. Neither of these scenarios have happened happened to me, partly because I don't date much, and I have bisexual friends who are wonderful people. So, yes! I would totally date a bisexual!
TenPencePiece
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1) a gay person who just can't admit it yet - they rationalise not wanting to date these ones because they see them either as self hating, or kind of half-formed sexually
2) a straight person who just wants attention - This is idea is more found in gay women than gay men but it still occurs in both, here the reason for gay people not wanting to date bisexuals is fairly obvious. Who wants to get invested in a romantic relationship just to find out that they're straight?
3) genuinely bisexual but bisexuals (in their mind) are incapable of monogamy because they're attracted to more than one gender - with this though there's a reaaaaaal confirmation bias going on, because once one bisexual cheats on them (or even someone they know!) boom, proof, bisexuals are cheaters (and sure, some are, just like some straight people are and some gay people are, it's a ridiculous idea but it's there none the less).
Now this not to say there *aren't* gay men and women who date bisexual people, there totally are - there's also other bisexual people to date!
^^This - totally my experience too. I'm decidedly bisexual, happily so, but in the gay scene, I'm regarded with some measure of suspicion. I'm not sure if it's a bi thing or an autism thing or a bit of both, but I don't perform gay semiotics as clearly, not into the clothing, the speech performances that some (not all) gays perform etc. I've also had attempts from gay dudes to seduce me based on their mistaken assumption that I'm 'straight and curious' and therefore a worthy conquest lol. I like playing that role haha! I never actually like to reveal my sexuality in a club, obviously I'm there for the same reasons as the other dudes, which is to meet dudes who are into dudes. But I have noticed confusion when my date for the night presses me to reveal my orientation, they often seem disappointed or confused when I say I'm bi. Maybe I should learn to lie better or something. I am usually pretty stoked when I meet another interesting and genuinely bi guy.
Alphawolf
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Yes I would date a bi-sexual and I'd even marry one if the chance came up if he were the right man for me.
If you had asked this same question a month ago I would have given you a completely different solidly NO answer. So why the sudden change. I recently met a bisexual man close to my age and he is awesome. When we are together we are soul mates. Yet I used to think bisexuals could never be totally trusted since everything turns them on. I used to figure how could you trust a bisexual when for them temptation was literally everywhere men and ladies hung out.
Some gay people think a man saying he is bisexual is copping out or afraid to come out. Still others think Bisexuals are intent on having their cake and eating it too. The biggest issue bisexuals face is that of trust. Bisexuals can change their stripes in the sexual universe and that unsettles some people.
I have learned that bisexual people can have honor. Bisexual people actually suffer more discrimination just because; so many people just don't trust them in anything other than casual sex. Some people think bisexuals can never commit because; they like it all.
Bisexuality is not a one size fits all experience. Bisexuality is in fact another spectrum of infinite possibilities. Bisexuals vary within extremes of a weak love for a man and a strong love for a woman to a strong love for a man and a weak love for a woman and everything in between. So in reality bi-sexuality like life on our spectrum has no single poster child who fits the full spectrum of bi sexual possibilities.
In the final analysis the spectrum that is bisexuality is as board and varried as our autism spectrum. When you meet one bisexual person you met one bisexual person. Bisexuals more than any sexual minority must be evaluated on a strict individual basis. There are awesome bisexuals like the one I just found and their are bisexuals who live down to the most depraved stereotypes possible. Bisexuals don't hold the patent on cheating, lying and other negatives. The fact bisexuals are not solidly rooted in any trusted sexual culture make them appear as outsiders neither fish nor foul. Bisexuals represent the GREAT UNKNOWN in sexual culture and unknows scare people. Unknowns fill people with fears both founded and unfounded.
What it boils down to is are you willing to take what many would say was a greater risk to find happiness in the arms of a bisexual person. Two weeks ago I was online and a bisexual man contacted me. He even hid his bisexuality till we met days later. The instant I met him I knew we were soul mates as my heart lept. Had I known he was bisexual at the time of first contact I would not have given him the time of day. Bisexual relationships are complex and frought with trust issues and danger hence I always avoided bisexuals without giving them a chance.
The guy really liked me so he did not accept my rejection and simply talked to me till I got to know the real him, his heart, his soul and his deep abiding love for me. As I got to know him I realized we were kindred spirits, soul mates. It is almost as if he were custom made for me to love. I found love in the bisexual man I would have never looked on my own. All these years I was wrong about bisexuals some are bad but others are fantastic just like any other group.
I'd date a bisexual person without a thought if by some bizarre miracle I was attracted to them and they to me.
But there is the possibility that only a pansexual person could be attracted to me with my atypical physical and psychological gender makeup. If a bisexual person is by definition only attracted to men and women then I would fall outside their parameters.
But from my own perspective their sexuality wouldn't make a difference to me. It would actually be less weird than me dating a straight or gay person, who obviously thought I was of the same gender as themselves.
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randomeu
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totally, id personally find their bisexuality fascinating, like how it works, how they feel about it, what their experiences are with it. it certainly would be an interesting topic, and maybe it would result in them being deeper in character, as they have perhaps experienced both sides of the coin.
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In the past I avoided dating bi-sexual women, because I felt that I could never truly give them everything they desired, and always feared they would end up cheating with a man because I simply did not have the “required parts”. Likely this is just a logic based fear of mine, as I can’t truly understand bisexuality not being bisexual myself. Perhaps this is a shared fear among lesbians and gay men?
As a male, indentifying as gay (as I have never had sexual relations with a female), I can say without reservation that i prefer dating a bi-sexual rather than another gay man. i have dated both gay men and bi-sexual men (who either had girlfriends or wives). bi-sexuals go to the top of the list. i think aspergers may play into this as well. bi guys dont get offended when you say okay, go home now. also having guys be around women all day long, when their bisexual alarm goes off and its time to play, they are READY TO PLAY. My four best relationships were with bi guys. two of them had kids, two were married, two had girlfriends. one of the girls knew about me and i actually talked with her on the phone on more than one occasion, but we never talked about the guy. the other three girls knew nothing about me (i put that responsibility on the guy to explain to his girl)
Sure, why the hell not?
I don’t see why this should matter to me. Just because someone is bisexual it doesn’t mean he is attracted to every human being running around or somehow unable to have a monogamous and loyal relationship.
I’m monogamous so that’s the criteria he would have to fulfil regardless of him being homo-, bi-, demi- or pansexual.
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“I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies but not the madness of people.” - Isaac Newton
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