Confused

Post Reply New Topic

Over the years, I've accepted by heterosexuality and masculinity. I am a straight male. Or so I think.

At the start of the year, I decided to re-examine my life in the context of understanding that I may be on the spectrum somewhere -not yet 100% confirmed, but more than likely.

Over the years, I've constantly questionned by sexuality and gender identity. I feel more comfortable around women, even if Im not accepted because of my physical gender and their backwards notion of men and women not meeting as friends.

However yes, I do feel more comfortable with the opposite sex and don't enjoy the whole macho image of the masculine arena. Im re-discovering what makes me "tick" and like having chats with the ladies over a coffee! I feel out of my depth around men.

I was told the other day to be one of the boys and leave the ladies to it, which make me feel awkward. Firstly I don't like division, secondly I don't subscribe to the notions of division of people by gender, we're all people. Finally, I find myself between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, Im not physically a woman, Im a man. Secondly, I don't really think as a man.

Im determined to get back in tune with my feminine side - I know I have one.

I've started to wear pantyhose/tights and love the feel.

I don't know what this means.

I don't know if there's something psychological, that maybe Im looking for a mother figure in these women? Whether subconciously I am attracted to them - extremely doubtful. Could I be a secret transgender? transvestite? Im aware gender identity is a common theme in aspergers.

Just looking to get some insight and info as to what to do next!

If you were raised in an environment with rather strict gender roles, you may have reached a breaking point of sorts and need to explore where you feel you actually fit in. Note that is separate from gender identity, something separate to work through, but it really helps to examine social gender roles first to get it out of the way. Once you realize how and why and when you feel pressured to take on certain roles it's usually easier to examine who you actually are rather than who you are expected to be by those around you.