MSBKyle wrote:
I have read articles saying that gays have a harder time coping with aging than straight people do. I have read that they fear being alone in their older years and losing their youthful looks. The LGBT community tends to focus on youth. I admit that I am very negative about aging. I am gay and have never been in a relationship because of my poor social skills. For me, looks are a major factor. I'm only attracted to young men. When I see young, hot men in public I stare at them and check them out. I don't care if he is straight or gay, hot is hot to me. This is one of the reasons why I fear aging and growing older. I worry that my youthful looks will fade away and that I will be undesirable for a young looking man. All of the young men that I find attractive now will eventually lose their youthful looks and I won't have any options. I don't know if I will grow out of this or only focus on looks. I can't help what I am attracted to. I wish that we could all stay young forever and keep our youthful looks into our old age. Getting old wouldn't be a problem if we didn't age.
I'm old. I have known that I was gay ever since puberty. And, yes, I am attracted to young and beautiful guys too. But I have found that often-times pretty-boy angels go bad quickly, when they open their mouths. It's like they open their mouths and toads fall out

So I stare at good looking guys all the time too, but usually in a lecherous old man way, which makes me feel bad about myself. Because I know that what I have for them is not really love, but desire.
I have been lucky enough to find love. I have been with the same woman for 30 years. Our relationship is nourishing and we can understand each other even without words. You grow together over time, and develop the same wants and aspirations. You really do become a single functioning unit. That 'two become one' is not BS. Your experiences build your soul. When you experience the world together with someone for an extended period of time, your souls merge to an extent, due to all the experiences that you have shared. So I am a gay man, and I always will be a gay man, but I love this woman more than I can ever love anyone else, because, by living with her for 30 years, we have become the same person to a great extent.
I had just about any variety of guy when I was single, always looking for mister right. But when I met my wife I met someone who I was not afraid to be myself with; no anxiety. I liked her a lot, because it was fun for me to spend time with her. She's still fun after 30 years, and I love her more than I have ever loved anyone. And guys are still sexually appealing, but in my heart, I know that I do not have another 30 years to build a relationship with a guy that could rival the one I have with my wife. I love getting older together with her. If I ever lose her, I'll probably just play around with other old widowers, because there are a lot of old gay men like me who married heterosexually, due to societal norms of the time.
As to worrying about getting old and dying, I've come to believe that life is a zero sum game. The good in life is offset by the bad. You become a success at life by noticing the good more than you notice the bad. And, frankly, I would fear any eternal life much more than I would dying.