DOES BEING AUTISTIC MAKE IT HARD TO FIND A GOOD MAN!

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I am a gay black autistic man. I have high functioning autism. For much of my life I focused on learning how to live among the neurotypicals so love and sex did not matter. Now I am much older, I have a really good paying job, I live well and most of all I like myself. I've been in a movie about autism (NEUROTYPICAL) I was the black guy (Hard to miss. I even go all around the country sharing my success story as a guy living with autism. Online Google AUTISTIC WEREWOLF. The black guy is me.

Now I have everything I could possibly want in life. I have a home, job and all the trimmings my problem is I have no nice fat gay man to share my successful life with. I have made great strides improving my social skills mostly by using work experiences. I am not into gay hook up sites because; it takes a LOT for me to get comfortable enough to be sociallly intimate with a gay man. I just want to know do others here find it difficult to connect with gay men who want a long term relationship. The minute I say autistic most guys run for the hills. I won't lie I am not subtle not one of my strong suits.

My autism makes me blunt even when I try like heck not to be. Well any helpful insight is welcome. Thanks all.

haha you were in a film? thats SO cool! thats awesome (i should probably watch that film, looks interesting)

although i don't have much experience in the area, what i can say (from the small amount i have experienced) is that not telling them at first helps, they get to know you, they sort of want to get to know you first. from some research (asking around) a person generally rejects someone who is autistic because they see it as being harder work then a normal relationship and so not worth it when they could just find someone who is NT who is much less hard work to them. like the question is : why go for someone who will not connect properly or be able to understand things i do or have when i could just go for someone who can for the same amount of effort?. but then they get to know you, find your not so hard work, want to hang out with you more THEN you tell them, that way they have already experienced it so won't as they say "judge a book by its cover".


personally i have the difficulty (im gay too) because generally areas where one would go to meet people (like bars or clubs) are too...sensory overload, the musics too loud, theres so many people and its just overwhelming, i to be honest have no idea how im going to go about it when i get to uni.

i think ill continue looking into this, i know a forum, i can probably make a thread to ask more about this, but so far ive found that people are more willing to stay if they start the relationship with you and then found out later, rather then the other way around. but i may look into what if they were told at the start some more.


hope this helps? i mean, i don't have that much experience of the world and this kind of thing (im 19)

Your response helps immensely. I need all the help I can get. Your statement about the Gay bars and other social venues being too sensory rich is exactly why I can't attend such places. My systems for coping are as advanced as I have seen in the autism community. Unfortunately my sensory overload threshold remains exceedingly low. I don't try to find romantic interests at work because; work has enough complex social dynamics by itself. Risking attempts at building gay social relationships with co-workers is just too fraught with danger and uncertainty for me.

If I have only one word of advice when you go to University. Humor use humor NT's respond to humor because; it puts them at ease and predisposes them to liking you on a basic level. Humor won't ever seal the deal but it is effective at at least in opening the door to possible friendship. Just my 2 cents given back because you helped me.

The WOLF!

Not criticizing your gayness one bit:

But have you ever had a desire for a woman?

Asking this, I do hope you find some nice guy to fill your void.

no, but it does make it a constant threat that someone might try to take advantage of you especially if they know you're autistic ...

Alpha wolf -

I just checked, and Meetup.com has a lot of social groups for LGBT folks in Baltimore. Most of them are aimed at women, but there is a book club, a D&D group, and a few others that look like they might be places you could meet someone outside of a bar or hookup app.

I'm gay, autistic, and more blunt than a marijuana blunt. I'm also timid and anxious in certain social situations. I'm generally outgoing and over the top. I can relate because I'm very vocal, but knowing the dynamic of the gay community I observed, I also found it difficult to find a man, except one previous relationship, and multiple hook ups. To be quite frank

Alphawolf, I can feel you. I have everything I need right now as well, but I'm also looking for a relationship. Trying to find a man through my work would not be a bright idea. I'm trying to meet people also. I think a good blend of the internet and going to places (not bars ideally) just to have a generally good time helps. I feel like just having fun generally is a predisposition to really think about dating now that I do think about it. My style is hooking up time to time and meeting people in general and doing things my way instead of pleasing people.

But before I rant too much about myself accidentally (autism moment here), I hope you find a man. I watched one of your videos and someone needs a man as intelligent as you. Best of luck

I saw that movie. If I were into dudes, even a little, I would totally date you. I'm not, but I'm just saying, some guy somewhere has got to understand that you are a good catch.

There was talk about an autistic only dating site a few years ago, but I never heard of it really taking off. If I remember correctly there was something really, really wrong. Something they were trying to fix but it was coming off as creepy-commercial-exploitation. Something like there was no privacy function? And they were trying to match people by ability level, which I get the impulse, but good luck figuring that one out.