Confused, please help! Warning: 18+ only

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Okay so to give some background about me, I'm 20 years old, female, in university, and on the spectrum. I also have GAD, (generalized anxiety disorder,) a learning disability which isn't really relevant here, and mild depression. Lately I've been facing a lot of confusion about my sexuality. After a long summer of anxiety, depression, solitude and soul-searching, I determined, and was able to come to accept the fact that I'm attracted to women, but I've also realized that I could be interested in guys too, but in a way that's different, like I'm attracted to guys' personalities, and in the more casual sense I might be attracted or at least amenable to going a bit further with a guy, (trying not to be graphic here, lol,) but it's not like I just see a guy and am attracted in that way, maybe if he were like a male model and had a very, very specific look, but not like normally like how it is with girls.
So I guess that's my first issue, (yeah this is gonna be a long one, I don't blame anybody that doesn't want to read through all of this, lol!)

Anyway, my second issue is that I am having a very difficult time accepting a queer identity of any sort. I thought that accepting being attracted to girls would just automatically make being LGBTQ a part of my identity, but it seems like it won't be so simple for me. I have already come out to most of my close friends and family, and even begun going to on-campus LGBTQ events, but I feel so out of place, like all these other girls have just always known, but I didn't, and in a way I feel like I almost still don't. Like I'm at this weird halfway point where I can't go back to "being straight" because I already know I'm not, but I'm not quite "queer" either, even though I know I am. It's causing me so much anxiety that I keep doing the same "sexuality tests," flirting and such excessively with girls on online dating sites, and taking part in other behaviours to constantly reassure myself and solidify this identity before I start to freak out again.
My third issue is that I think I may also be on the ace spectrum. I'm a little fuzzy on the concept of attraction, and although I have no personal experience, certain specific aspects of sex kind of ick me out in the things I've seen, (again not trying to be graphic here.) I have these overwhelming feelings of being an imposter or somehow "faking it for attention" although I know that I can't be, because if I were I would know it, or slightly more plausibly, becoming addicted to my own anxiety, and coming up with new things about my sexuality to worry about all the time because it's a quality source of worry. Anyway all of those imposter feelings are made even worse by my realizing that in actuality I might not even be able to, or want to go all the way with a woman. Has anybody had any similar experiences? Could being grossed out by certain... "textures" associated with sex be an Aspie thing? Any advice or input would be welcome.

in terms of "textures" associated with sex between women, some resort to dental dams.

Sex drive usually helps me overcome some of my sensory related problems with sex. I usually want both of us to shower and shave before sex. I still struggle a lot with my sensory issues after I orgasm and lose my sex drive, I usually shower immediately afterwards to cope and feel more comfortable.

I'm a girl that likes girls, i am more sexually orientated towards girls than boys, though i do occasionally like specific boys.
As far as arriving at my identity, i prefer to find it by removing layers of identity. Debunking the expectations which society can put upon us, and finding what is there when all that is stripped away. In fact i think when all is stripped away, there is not that much, and i'm OK with that, its easier.

In general, LGBTQ & Straight are far too rigid still to even consider taking an identity too seriously. So to have anxiety over it would make you more anxious. You do you and you can just say, "I like girls, I don't want a label" Something simple like that. Hope that helps.

I had some similar issues at around the same age. When I encountered the gay community I thought it would be free, liberation, and I could finally be myself... but found it was really another bunch of self-defined social categories with their own aesthetics. And they kind of reinforced their categories as strongly as straight people did. I don't know where or when there'll be a community that is really open to whatever you are, however it evolves over time.

I found that I really had a certain kind of personality and spirit and aesthetic that I liked, and it wasn't really gender specific and I don't really have a name for it either. The main thing, is that if you put aside the labels, there are people out there to become friends and partners with.

If you can find a relationship that you both like, and you dig each other, then cool. There can be sex or no sex or some kind of specific thing, doesn't matter....

In a way, the relationship(s) you have transcend the labels of what you "are" or "do". You don't have to fit into one of these pigeonholed communities; identity is way too fluid to stick with one of those for too long.

Hope that makes sense. You have a good sense of yourself and what you see out there, that's awesome...

Hey guys, OP here, thank you so much for all the advice and support! It has helped me a lot to reduce my sense of alienation, and I have actually reached what I think may be a final resolution concerning the issue of my sexuality. I discussed some feelings I was having with a friend and she mentioned that it sounded like I could be polysexual, a term I wasn't familiar with, I looked it up and it was a perfect fit, so I guess I just didn't have the terminology for it which was causing my confusion. Anyway, just wanted to give you guys that update and thank you again for being so wonderful and reassuring

Hey, glad you feel more at ease

Hi

I'm female, 30, from NY. and am attracted to girls. Have friends of both genders. I had past incidents of depression, have schizophrenia, and gender issues which I'm working on. I aspire to be in masculine clothing and have gone by male gendered names. Find it hard to express myself as to my attraction to other females in person. since I have a fear of being label lesbian. so I struggle with this daily.

Well just buy men's clothing and wear em! It's perfectly acceptable in that direction nowadays - and should be the other way but not yet. My partner basically wears mens' clothing all the time. They're much better made than women's clothing, and have real pockets.

If you dislike the term "lesbian" have you considered gynosexual? It means more or less the same thing but doesn't imply that you necessarily identify as female.