Confused about gender

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I'm confused with my gender and sexuality. I've always liked girls more than boys. I found early on that I got on better with girls and liked playing with girls toys and dolls. My social skills are non existent and I don't really have any friends anymore which upsets me. I thought maybe that might be a phase but this last year I've been wearing my mum's clothes, I know it's wrong to take them without asking but I can't help it. When I'm wearing women's clothes I feel so happy and relaxed! It's like all my problems go away.

I'm frightened to tell my parents. I don't know what they'll say or how they might react. At night I'm sleeping in my mum's underwear and nightie. I'm so happy when I'm wearing her clothes, they're so much softer and nicer than boy's clothes are. But I'm also upset. My mum and I are very close, I don't like deceiving her like this. But I couldn't even buy my own clothes! I have no money.

When I'm alone at home is when I can dress like a proper girl. At that time I'm so comfortable and relaxed. I wish I could go to school as a girl too, that would be a dream come true. In a way some of it makes sense as I've always hated myself and wished I was a girl so that I could do better and feel comfortable with who I am.
Lately I've been looking online at surgery and ways to grow breasts. I'm so desperate to be a girl, it's getting to the point where I'd do anything. But I'm worried about my parents and how they would react!
I'm also attracted to boys and girls and that's upsetting me as well. It's so confusing.

But now I'm starting to feel so much confusion and anxiety over everything. I don't know what to do, continue as I am or tell my parents.

Whether you should tell your parents depends upon your relationship with your parents. If it is a good relationship, I would tell them eventually. If not, forget about telling them.

I would guess that they probably at least suspect that you want to be a girl.

Hi Shoo

Not sure if I'm qualified to speak since I never completed transition. It was during that time my doctor suggested I could have Aspergers. Apparently we have a higher rate of Gender Dysphoria than normies. Interesting they are both on the 'rise' so to speak. But all that aside, I hope you're feeling good today.

It might be wise not think about things for a bit. I know it's an exciting time but desperation and confusion can lead to bad decisions/performance. I.e. you might tell your mum in a weird way or something. Although I'm sure it will be fine. Most parents it seems are usually supportive and many even kinda knew or at least suspected something already. Have they ever commented about transgenders before? Have you ever dropped any hints etc?

The gender/sex, identity-orientation thing is definitely weird for a lot of people. I didn't expect my attraction to change but heteros gonna hetero I guess. Have you always been attracted to both? Does it change when you dress female? Oh, so in case you didn't know... the way attraction can/often works is it's more about orientation than being attracted to a specific gender. So if you're attracted to the opposite sex then what constitutes the opposite sex will change when your gender does. Which is fine and dandy if you clearly identify as a particular gender but if you're more fluid or in a state of transitioning it can be a bit blurry. Don't worry, things will become clearer the more you realise who you are. And that's the important thing right now imo, is that you focus on yourself rather than other people. You'll become more confident and ready to deal with anything that comes your way too.

Sorry if that's all gibberish. I'm not the best communicator so I stick to lurking usually. Have you visited any non-autistic sites for advice/help? I'd probably do more harm than good but if you ever wanted to chat feel free to contact me. Even if it's just to de-stress/get things off your chest. What ever happens I hope you can find some friends to help you with this.

Best of luck!

Mind you, your gender identification and your sexual attraction are two totally separate matters. You may feel you are more feminine and prefer to dress that way and still desire girls sexually. One does not necessarily have anything to do with the other.

And yes, from what I have read, those of us on the spectrum are indeed more prone to gender identification that does not coincide with birth sex. There are a myriad of names circulating around for it. I like to say I am gender fluid as I tend to slide which ever way a particular situation calls for. Gender gifted is another one I use sometimes.

The first thing that comes to my mind is that don't be in a hurry. You don't need to figure it all out right now. It can take long time. Being a girl can sound like an attractive solution but it does not necessarily solve your problems. Still, I think that if you enjoy wearing your mum's clothes and you don't feel too bad doing it secretly (or you could have courage to ask her permission), you definitely should continue doing that. It makes you happy and safe and it does not make any harm to anyone. We can express ourselves in many ways and they don't need to be gender-conforming.

I have an impression that in some Western states being transgender is more accepted than not conforming to gender stereotypes.

Do you mean gender-nonconformity in public? Or do you say that it would be better not to tell his mom about dressing her clothes at home because it would be better to be transgender than just dress women's clothes at home?

I meant gender nonconformity in public.

When it comes to OP's mother - she is a particular person, I can't foretell her reaction, so I can't give any useful advice. If she is understanding, I would try to talk to her at least about my feelings.

Important point, anyway. I meant this private case but my comment was ambiguous. If someone wants to be gender-nonconforming in public, there are lots of issues to be considered, not least your safety. And it depends heavily on where you live.

Sending good thoughts and wishes!

While it may be not exactly relevant to OP, I have some observations from my surroundings. Some of my friends are like, oh, yes, my biological sex is male/female but it's not an improtant part of my identity.
There is a romantic couple who claim they have a full male and full female in their relationship, only roughly equally distributed.

And there is my little cousin... he plays with girls, he's fascinated with princesses and there is something girly about the way he looks... so I wouldn't be surprised if he grew up to be transgender. But right now the family's approach to him is more like gender-neutral. Like, when I think of a birthday gift for him, I consider toys that would be fun for a girl but that don't have "for girls" explicitly written on them. Like stuffed animals, Lego City with a family house or a castle with both knights and princesses. I want him to have fun and feel accepted the way he is but not send him any signal that there could be anything wrong with his sex.
Maybe all he needs is a society that accepts "girly boys"?
Maybe it has nothing to do with his future sexual life?
No idea.

I wanted to speak from experience (I am transgender/agender).

Coming out and transitioning won't make you happy all by itself. I mean, it will probably help alleviate some of those feelings of dysphoria (feeling like your body doesn't match your gender) and discomfort, but it won't make you love yourself. Loving yourself is a different transition entirely, and I don't know how to get there either haha.

Coming out will also change your world. People will see you differently and interact with you differently. You have to be prepared for that change and have support just in case things go wrong. It might be good to tell your mother if you are close to her. See if she will be a form of support for you before making a big change.

Let me know if you want to talk. Good luck!