How do you do the relationship?

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Okay, so I've been trying to find a way to engage in a relationship. Lemme explain.

So, I figured out I was a lesbian rather late in life (mid thirties). By then, I'd been married twice and had two kids (that's another story for another day). In my hetero life, I never initiated a relationship. The other person was usually the aggressor. In finding my way as a lesbian (and more recently, on the spectrum), I'm having trouble figuring out if other women are interested in me. The social code for women is different than it is for men, so I've only known how to relate on a friend level. I feel a bit lost as I never learned how to flirt with women in particular. Most attempts have been rather heavy handed and most of the time I can't tell "just being nice" and "hey, what's up?" and usually end up embarrassing myself.

Have you guys had trouble here? At this stage in my life, I feel a little like I studied for the wrong test.