big_fat_phony wrote:
mystyc wrote:
I mean gays I know in real life. I have "internet friends" that are gay that will give me the time of day, but internet friends are not like real friends. Gay people who meet me in the real world, stay away from me.
Why do they stay away from you!!?
I don't know. Not like I smell or something... >.> But I am hypersensitive to water, but that was not the issue as I had that under control.
They don't stay away from me immediately. I should clarify that. After some initial encounters, any effort to further befriend them fails. Here are two examples:
EX1:
I have been trying to befriend the director of the LGBT center at my school (he was a former grad student and is actually 2 years younger than me, heh). He is friends with alot of people, including his student workers, and the members of the LGBT school organization. I regularly visited the LGBT center and tried to befriend other regulars. I spent months doing this, visiting several times a week. In september, a bunch of new students came in. Within a few weeks, several of the new students became close friends with the people I spent months working on.
In a sense, they tolerated me and of course did not kick me out of the center, but that was just their public face. They did not want me anywhere near them in their private lives.
EX2:
I met this gay guy that I thought was my first real close friend. We begun to actually hang out with each other (or so I thought). In reality, he merely let me tag along, if I asked. After a while, even if I asked or something, or we were out somewhere together, he would ditch me and stuff. Eventually he said that he did not want to babysit me due to my autism, and other hurtful things, and that was it.
I could not see it when it was happening, but in retrospect it was a familiar situation. It is the situation of people who allow me to tag along with them, but quickly regret ever meeting me, but are unable to get rid of me. They drop non-verbal social cues and stuff, knowing I have trouble with that (shows how much they care), until they get fed up and more directly state that they don't want me around. I used to call these types "fake friends", but that label is incomplete.
Those are the biggest examples, and involve an impression of being welcomed (which is why they were the most painful). But most of the time, there is no impression that I am welcomed.
I know gay people online that I talk to regularly, but they are only "internet friends". I also talk to non-gay people online as well, whom are also "internet friends". It is clear that almost none of these internet friendships are "strong" or comparable to real life friendships. Although straight people have done similar things to me, they are not all lumped together into one group defined by their sexuality. Usually I try to join some sort of a "group", but I am never really accepted, make some "fake friends", and move on. There are many such groups of straight people, with a few gays mixed in. But when it happens to a gay group, then that's it. The gays have rejected me.