racism and dating in the gay community

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When it comes to preferences in dating, attractiveness is important to most people.
I could see that some people may not be attracted to certain physical characteristics typical of certain racial lines.
I don't think you can accurately predict what someone will look like based on ethnic origin all the time, so the idea of someone saying they will never date an asian person does ring a bit off to me, whether it be racism, or perhaps just a misconception about how definitive racial characteristics are.

That said, if your racial preferences are not aesthetic, then you're just a big meanie.

There are certain kinds of preferences that I do think say something negative about a person. Liking different aesthetics doesn't say something negative. However, that isn't always the only reason someone has racially specific dating preferences.

As is already said, it's completely acceptable to discriminate on whatever grounds you want on whom you will or will not date.

If you don't like black, white, Indian, Middle Eastern or Chinese men for instance, it is 100% acceptable to say that you would never consider dating them if you're just not attracted to them.

It becomes racism when you start openly disapproving of other men choosing to date black/white/Indian/Middle Eastern etc etc men, or if you become openly intolerant towards them.

Last edited by Tequila on 30 Sep 2013, 4:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

It doesn't really matter either if someone has dating preferences that genuinely are racist in nature, as the only people that they are affecting with it is themselves.

And it's also motivated by something very unpleasant. I don't know what the technical term for that would be.

As a hetero-sexual, I do not date other men as I do not find them sexually attractive.
Does this therefore make me a sexist?, an evil man-hater who must therefore discriminate against men purely because I dont find them sexually attractive?

Nonsense.

It cuts the other way, too. There are plenty of gay men I know whose preferences tend strongly towards members of other ethnicities.

Let's remember that racism isn't merely the act of making distinctions based on race. It is not necessary for us to be colour-blind to be free of racism. I think Tequila expressed it best when he said:

But there are some people for whom their preferences in sexual partners are manifestations of racism. We are not immune from that--some of us are not highly evolved, cultured beings. Some of us are complete as*holes.

Good point.

If a lesbian does not want to date a man, is she being sexist?

If a black lesbian does not want to date a white lesbian, is she being racist?

Now that there's over 7 Billion people on the planet these sorts of questions are so moot... just move on and date someone else. The cliche, "there are plenty of fish in the sea," has never been more true than it is today.

Most people like to date within their own ethnic backgrounds. That's just the way it is. There's is probably some biological reason for it.

It doesn't make a person 'racist' for not wanting to date someone outside of their ethnic group.

I think it depends.

Rejecting someone for their race? It's just preferences.

Rejecting someone because you will NEVER, EVER date a person of another race, and that even if you fell in love with someone of another race, you would have self-hate for yourself, be ashamed of it, try to get over them as quickly as possible, and even be disgusted with yourself for ever feeling this way? I would say that is definitely racism...

there's no such a thing as "the gay community".

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a racial preference when it comes to sexuality at all. Just because you're not sexually attracted to people of a certain race that doesn't mean you are racist towards those people.

Racial preferences if we're talking aesthetically are no.different than preferences for eye colour or hair colour. It's not simply refusing someone because they're a certain race, but more because the general physical features of that race are less appealing to you than others, or they tend to lack physical features you desire.

I tend to think of it like this: "I don't tend to find Asians attractive" vs "I will never, ever in a million years date anyone of Asian descent, no matter what." One is racially motivated while the other is noticing a trend in your physical preferences. Big difference.