I like boys and girls but I don't identity as LGBT

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Whale_Tuune
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21 Oct 2019, 11:05 am

I like boys and girls, but I never felt like a sexual minority. Most of the girls I know admit to kind of being attracted to other women. I am too. I think it's normal to be sexually fluid.

I would be ok with dating a girl or kissing her if it wasn't for my religion. But I just don't care. I'm completely indifferent towards my attractions to women. I have no need to make a big show of it and call myself bi when I feel that it's not a big deal. I'm not criticizing those who are bi, because it's important to them, but it never felt important or abnormal to me.

Is it normal or ok to like boys and girls but not identify as bi or LGBT? Do you believe that some level of sexual fluidity is normal?


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kraftiekortie
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21 Oct 2019, 11:40 am

You identify as "yourself." That's the most important thing.

I'm straight----but I don't specifically "identify" myself as straight. I don't feel proud of my "straightness." I don't feel particularly political about it.

I am just me who happens to be straight. You are just you who happens to be attracted to multiple genders.



Bradleigh
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21 Oct 2019, 12:06 pm

Sounds just like some of the many types of answers I would like to. In all honesty I would say there were times in my life I would find certain types of guys attractive, but I did not really feel gay or bi so I kind of just tried to chase away the thoughts from my head as simple confusion. And really just came to a realization in the last few weeks that I may likely be gender fluid, and have been repressing it my entire life.

Kind of coming to the acceptance of my gender fluidity, I think that I have so far kind of recognised that my attraction to men feels like is mostly from the female side of my gender fluidity, and have lately felt kind of less anxious that I might find anyone in particular attractive. Still kind of don't currently really feel like I identify as bi, except perhaps that I tell myself that my feminine side is bi, which would still be me, so I kind of think saying half bisexual.

Even identifying my likely genderfluidity, and certain attraction, kind of makes me feel like I don't belong in LGBT spaces like some sort of imposter, who is not enough to belong in the identity. After all, I probably could just continue to repress my fluidity, it would save me from ridicule from others.


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Bradleigh
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21 Oct 2019, 12:35 pm

Don't know if relevant, but just watched this video.


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Mummel
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08 May 2020, 2:26 pm

Miriam Webster's:

Definition of bisexual

1a: of, relating to, or characterized by sexual or romantic attraction to people of one's same sex and of the opposite sex


It's fine that you don't feel like a minority. It's fine that you don't feel any need to participate in LGBT culture. It's fine that wherever you are, you're mostly free to do as you like.

But you *are* bisexual.



HeroOfHyrule
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08 May 2020, 5:32 pm

I think it's fine to not want to necessarily identify as "bisexual" or "LGBT", but to be fair I don't really understand the continued importance people put on labels and sexuality. I get that people who experience same-sex attraction have been ostracized and still face discrimination in a lot of the world, so it's very important to be proud of and open about their identity, but as being gay becomes more accepted and normalized in the West the expectation for people to continue to use and focus on labels is weird to me.

I have seen people accuse others of being "self-hating" gays/bisexuals because they personally didn't want to use those terms, or didn't personally identify as "LGBT". I don't often use the term "bisexual" or focus on the fact I am "bisexual", but it's not because I'm "self-hating". I understand that, by definition, I am bisexual, and that using that term does make it easier to tell others who I'm attracted to, but I choose not to focus on labeling my sexuality precisely because I don't have any issue with it. I'm indifferent and it's not that big of a deal to me, some of the people I'm attracted to just happen to be men sometimes. It's not a negative thing and I don't need to put more thought and energy into it. If other people want to label their sexuality that's fine, but I rather not be ridiculed for not doing so.



starkid
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08 May 2020, 5:58 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I have no need to make a big show of it and call myself bi when I feel that it's not a big deal.

It seems like you think that calling yourself bi is making "a big show of it." Calling yourself bi or thinking of yourself as bi is just applying an accurate term; you don't have to yell it from the rooftops or even tell anyone. It can be like calling yourself "human." It's a fact but it isn't a big deal.



smudge
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08 May 2020, 6:08 pm

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I think it's fine to not want to necessarily identify as "bisexual" or "LGBT", but to be fair I don't really understand the continued importance people put on labels and sexuality. I get that people who experience same-sex attraction have been ostracized and still face discrimination in a lot of the world, so it's very important to be proud of and open about their identity, but as being gay becomes more accepted and normalized in the West the expectation for people to continue to use and focus on labels is weird to me.

I have seen people accuse others of being "self-hating" gays/bisexuals because they personally didn't want to use those terms, or didn't personally identify as "LGBT". I don't often use the term "bisexual" or focus on the fact I am "bisexual", but it's not because I'm "self-hating". I understand that, by definition, I am bisexual, and that using that term does make it easier to tell others who I'm attracted to, but I choose not to focus on labeling my sexuality precisely because I don't have any issue with it. I'm indifferent and it's not that big of a deal to me, some of the people I'm attracted to just happen to be men sometimes. It's not a negative thing and I don't need to put more thought and energy into it. If other people want to label their sexuality that's fine, but I rather not be ridiculed for not doing so.


I don't understand the importance placed on it either. I have gay friends and have had transsexual friends, and it's just who they are. They don't go on about it just as I don't go on about being straight. I guess these issues are of importance to some people though.


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Bradleigh
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08 May 2020, 6:35 pm

People like labels, sometimes without them what you are does not have words, and in a culture where what you are might be seen as atypical it can make someone feel like they don't exist when they fall out of the norm. From what I know, both straight and homosexual people can ignore the possibility of bisexual people, something called bisexual erasure, where culture may ignore them rather than one or the other. Which could make bi people feel like they don't belong in LGBT communities, despite being one of the letters.


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smudge
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08 May 2020, 6:52 pm

Bradleigh wrote:
People like labels, sometimes without them what you are does not have words, and in a culture where what you are might be seen as atypical it can make someone feel like they don't exist when they fall out of the norm. From what I know, both straight and homosexual people can ignore the possibility of bisexual people, something called bisexual erasure, where culture may ignore them rather than one or the other. Which could make bi people feel like they don't belong in LGBT communities, despite being one of the letters.


Yeh, that's what I don't get. Why are LGBTQ people invisible unless they flaunt it and celebrate it? I mean, for instance people intolerant of LGBTQs aren't going to change their minds over a gay pride sticker. Self-identity with LGBTQs need a lot of reaffirming it seems.


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Bradleigh
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08 May 2020, 7:18 pm

smudge wrote:
Yeh, that's what I don't get. Why are LGBTQ people invisible unless they flaunt it and celebrate it? I mean, for instance people intolerant of LGBTQs aren't going to change their minds over a gay pride sticker. Self-identity with LGBTQs need a lot of reaffirming it seems.


Because some people could be reached by exposure, if not straight away it can introduce them to the concept that is not just the straight relationship that is in the majority of movies that makes up our culture. You can't even watch a kids movie without having a heteronormative romance put in your face, and you can't watch a kids movie if you want a non heteronormative romance or person. It is still at a point where if anything has an LGBT person, a lot of people say that you are shoving an agenda down their throat, rather something completely normal.

But a lot of this is conjecture on my part in seeing the reasoning of others, since I still have prevented myself as loudly proclaiming what I identify in finding myself. But I understand people looking for symbols to feel like they are not alone in a culture that sees them as not the normal.


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