It seemed strange since early childhood to talk of only falling in love with the opposite gender. I sensed there was something odd about me in that regard from a very young age but I didn't know what it was exactly. I saw the word 'bisexual' in a dictionary, or an encyclopaedia (I can't remember which) when I was 13. I figured that was probably what I am but I didn't feel the need to tell anyone. I thought 99.9999% of people were straight anyway, so I didn't expect to ever be able to have a girlfriend (I still feel that way sometimes, today). I didn't even really know that some people might have a problem with it. I thought of it more as some kind of genetic abnormality, like my being left-handed. I also thought that it must be super-rare because I didn't know anyone else who had it. Yes, I know that sounds incredibly sheltered for a kid growing up in the third gayest city in the world, but bear with me, I was very nerdy
Homophobia as a reality didn't really hit home until I was 15 and I realised that some of my family were gay and that was why some other family members shunned them. Some of my friends at school also came out. I also realised that my (then) religion wasn't happy with it. I went back and forth between atheism and religion for quite a number of years. I find no matter what religion I investigate (I'm not going pagan because that's what all the other bi girls do ), it has a problem with me and who I am on a fundamental level. So, I've come to the conclusion that religions feed on self-hatred.
I was very gay at 15. I was always perving on women. I mean like really bad straight teenage male style perving. I'm almost embarrassed by it now, though part of me wishes I still had that uninhibited lust and curiosity. Despite my lustfulness, I was determined to not let my family and other potential homophobes know. I experimented when I got a bit older and left home for uni. I've had a couple of boyfriends and live with the second one currently. I'm still a real queer one, me.
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Zombies, zombies will tear us apart...again.