Any guys that envy the social status of some women

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I don't feel biologically like I'm a woman, but I wonder if I'm still somewhere on that spectrum as either a "femboy" or "bi-gender" but I am not actively trying cross-dressing at this point. I have a sort of envy of the social status of relatively hot, cute, or beautiful women. There was a girl acquaintance I had an unrequited crush with for years in my school days that I otherwise grew out of at this point. It happened that she went on to a stereotypical "whore" phase where she went sleeping around, and this kind of "vindicated" my feeling. To top off, the number of people I dated so far has only been one other girl for whichever reason. I wonder if I'm projecting the two onto the other.

As a short guy I was pretty close to the bottom in terms of social status.

But, as a girl who looks ten to twenty years younger, I've worked on diet and excercise to have an hourglass figure with an obscenely thin waistline. I'm 5'2" and weigh 104lbs. Social interactions are quite easy presenting as a girl. I have the age, education, and experience to easily interact with an upper class group of people. Women in their 50s and 60s typically become socially invisible. I'm not that old. I'm treated as someone much younger than that.

I believe that I gave off the wrong body language and confused people trying to present as a guy as I'd get misgendered all the time. It was especially bad on the phone or when they would see me walking up to them.

Woman are judged by appearance. I spent a lot on dental implants so I have a full set of teeth that aren't dentures. I look good without makeup. Which is hard.
It is even harder to as a female to think you look good.

Yes, being a short guy makes you invisible.

I’m Ambivalent. I’m almost 67, and was routinely harrassed and sexually abused by them as a teenager. I’ve been having disturbing dreams about the neighbor girls where I grew up, some 55 years ago. My PCP sent me to a shrink, after explicitly told her NO DRUGS and no phychiatrist. The last psychiatrist I had as a patient had me so strung out on psychoactive drugs my brothers disowned me. With the exception of one brother, they haven’t spoken to me in almost 15 years, especially when I got evicted by them for being a no good lazy motherf!cking a$$hole, who doesn’t deserve to live. I was told, by the same brothers to kill myself, so they could happily dance all over my fat a$$. Any wonder I have PTSD.