Thoughts and repression

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I realized that repressing won't solve anything. I have invasive thoughts daily regarding men I'm friends with one I'm attracted to who I have made a post about. It's hard to accept it and I'm not sure what to do. It's suffocating and I can't stand the thought of being seen as a fruitcake. I have a strong feeling I don't feel attracted to women, but I feel like I need a relationship with one due to my love for the west and preserving its culture.

I wish I could accept me, but I'm overwhelmed by the fear of what I am. I'm also speaking with a man who knows a little but not all of what I struggle with.