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Massive Density
Unimagineable Pull
Ferocious intensity
The monstrous black hole.
Even light can't escape
It's Supernatural grip
Turning toward it'sinister swape
Your body swiftly Drifts
Blackness blinds you within a second,
You are then robbed of your vision
Into it's depth you are soon beconed,
And then begins the fission.
Why are you still half alive?
It could possibly be intentional,
For the evil black hole srtives
To make it's torture strongly unethical.
Memory and your senses are forever lost
And the rest merely speculated.
We will never uncover it's metaphorical fog
Because in it you're annihilated.
Ripping stretching and tearing
Feelings that all are present
Your physical abilities are fastly wearing
You they will forever lament...
Even though yourself you'll forever forget.


Honest replies would suffice.

Keep in mind that I'm a writer, and I've taught myself to edit my own work. I've reached the point where I read most published work and find my fingers itching to pick up a blue pencil. And, yes, I do itch to edit this; there are typos throughout, and lines that could be cleaned up and given more punch.

But, this is a poem worth editing. The basic thought and idea is interesting, unusual, and expressed powerfully. With a good hard polish, it could become a very good poem. And I don't say things like this lightly; although I may stay silent just because I'm too busy to comment, if I come across someone asking for feedback for something that isn't worth the effort, I'm likely to just keep my mouth shut. (I don't enjoy ripping people up. And there isn't any way to tell someone what they wrote is utter junk without ripping them up.) Or if there's something slightly good about it, I'll give faint praise...

Fix all the typos and minor mistakes, and sharpen the lines so they have even more power, and you'll have a poem worth a great deal of praise. Even as it stands, it's better than a lot of things people post on some of the writing sites I frequent.