Teresa Sammon stood in District C, two weeks before August began. August, as all Mutanatians know, is the time for their votes to be heard. With two hands on her hips, her new, developing “signature pose” of sorts, an additionally standing amongst the crowd in District C, but near the front, she begins.
“Thank you all for coming out here tonight. You’ve come here because you want a politician who is really, truly connected. I will show you just how connected I am. Is anyone here from District A?” A select few mantises rise up. “Well, I’m glad that you showed up. Because this is what I will do for you: I will outlaw hunting of giant mantises and mutant mantises. Additionally, I will place the now-President Mantis at the head of the Mantis Army. When she is absent, Jantis shall replace her.” This was greeted by satisfied nods. “You will finally have a future to look forward to.”
“Is there anyone here from District B?” A handful of people stood up. “Well, you’re from the business sector, and because of the exhoribtant 100% tax rate, businesses have been crippled. I promise you that when I am elected, I will put my best foot forward and introduce a comprehensive tax-slashing strategy that will go into effect within the first 3 months of my Presidency. By the end of the one-year term, I expect tax rates not to be as low as many others have predicted, but I expect tax rates to be about 75%. Before I leave office, I will put into effect a law that requires the President to cut taxes 1-2% every 2 months, and set the ceiling for taxes at 75%.” Applause. “Your businesses will once again prosper.”
As if in anticipation, about half of the area stood up. “This is District C, I presume?” She was greeted with nods. “Your religious values have suffered. Arranged marriages are no longer in existence, and there is some strange new-age religious guru as our religious minister.” She is met by nods. “What can I promise you? Well, for starters, I will reinstate arranged marriages, and install someone who is actually religious to be the new religious minister of our country. But there’s more, isn’t there?” She says, with a knowing smile. “What else is there? Perhaps your animal livestock is failing. You can’t slaughter them without being able to breed them, and breeding is illegal here. When I am President, I will revoke said animal experimentation laws.”
With that, she hops on the stage and takes the podium. “And finally, District D, when I live up to all of these promises, your faith in government will be restored. Additionally, out of the surplus, I will spend 40 million dollars on reinforcing the new houses that you are building, so that this way they WILL last if we are attacked again. With faith in government being restored, religious values and sensible farming decisions made, taxes lowered, and the giant mantises once again having a future in their home district, there is something in store for everyone. The time is now! A bright future is coming! Take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and take back the future of your country! Thank you very much.”
Teresa Sammon left to thunderous applause.
25 Jul 2008, 10:36 pm
