Aspie authors writing social interaction

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I write sci-fi (Idk if it's appropriate, but you can check out a couple of my short stories. A red skull christmas and Preet. I'm working on revising that series so the characters "arc" more and have more character growth. That's really hard for me, but there a lot of resources about how to plan that and incorporate that, so I'm working on that.

I'm also toying with the idea of an autistic female superhero.

Does anyone have tips on how to write neurotypical characters? I'm really struggling to write dialogue that makes sense to NTs. I don't fully grasp how to write a character that doesn't say exactly what they're thinking 95% of the time. Understanding subtext well enough to use it seems virtually impossible so far. I've been at this for almost 3 years.

Sorry for this interjection that might divert from the subject at hand, but I just had to brag - - my book, Creeping Shadows, is now on audio! Currently it's on Audible, but will in a few days be available on audio on Amazon and iTunes. Dilly! Dilly!

^Awesome!

I think it's Neil Gaiman that said 'If people point to something wrong in your writing they are almost always right, if they say exactly what and how to fix it they are almost always wrong.' If your feed backs come from different people (I'm assuming it has) then your dialogue probably does have some problems. That feedback you got could be interpreted in different ways so it's not very helpful.

You could put a paragraph or two of your work on this thread since it's on topic if you wanted. The responses would offer fuller explanations. Or you can PM with it. The good thing about dialogue is that a small section is plenty to see what the problem with it is.

Unfortunately critique that simply tells me my writing is bad without any suggestions on improving is rarely helpful since I can't figure out what the problem is. I did improve some on the dialogue since some of those comments, but there's still some overly direct comments slipping through and some people still think the characters all sound the same even though I spent hours learning how to address that and implemented it.

I'll post the first exchange of dialogue that has a lot of characters involved. This is draft 3, but it probably still has issues.

Hello SpreadsheetMaster, thanks for sharing.

I can see why that critiquing was more confusing than helpful. If anything I put is not clear just ask.

I'm going to respond in more than one post.

Before I start is it ok if I use (rewrite) some of your writing to make my points as this will be easier and clearer than making up examples. I'm asking because some writers don't like this.

Sure, I don't mind.

Your problem isn't your dialogue it's that you are trying to tell everything through dialogue, which is really hard to do.

POV- point of view. You're using omnipotent narrator, which is also very difficult to use and I think may be making it harder for you to convey the feelings of the characters to the reader successfully. I recommend changing over to third person single point of view. Pick a character and tell the story from his perspective, that will remind you that at every scene you must tell the reader what his (the pov character) is trying to do/achieve and how he feels, particularly about things that get in his way.

For an example I've chosen Gerald. I've said what he wants (freedom from school). I've added how he feels about what's happening around him. The feelings I've added may well be the wrong ones, it's just an example of how to put them in.

After a few more boring announcements they were allowed to leave the gym. Gerald let out a sigh of relief; it was still early and as long as they didn't leave the orphanage grounds they could go where they liked.
Kagura taped him on the arm. "I want to show you my new book," he said. "Can you come to our dorm."
"Sure. And I can help you with your maths," said Gerald. He liked maths and he was good at it and Kagura could do with the help.
"Look out!" shouted Marcus.
Gerald turned. His stomach clenched; Dylan was lunging towards him, his expression murderous.
"D...Dylan, calm down," said Marcus stepping hesitantly between them only to be shoved out of the way.

At this point you would need to go into how Gerald feels about having Dylan come at him. Is he scared or keen to get stuck in. I got the feeling that he's scared but he's not going to back down, is that right? That could be shown by telling the reader how he feels inside -- heart racing, feeling sick, trembling, while keeping the "No, it's fine," on the outside to show how he intends to come across to others. If he's keen to get stuck in then that needs to be shown through his feelings too otherwise readers make false assumptions (like I did). eg -- heightened senses, the thrill of adrenaline, lightness in the chest.

Did you notice that in my version the only change to your actual dialogue was to add "D..." to Marcus's bit. I did change and move some of your dialogue tags though. Most should be he said, she said, Dylan said, Gerald said ect. Using alternatives brings attention to the tag so it's best done when you want readers to notice them such as 'shouted Marcus' but shouldn't be done just to avoid using said. A page of he said, Fred said, Joe said, is most often caused by to many characters or not enough characterization, so just turning them into alternatives doesn't help.

If you are going to use an action about someone as the way of saying who's speaking (I do this too and find it very effective) such as --

“I saw that stunt you pulled at lunch, half-blood. You should be locked away.” Dylan raised his fists.

then putting the action first helps the reader to understand what's going on.

Dylan raised his fists. “I saw that stunt you pulled at lunch, half-blood. You should be locked away.”

I have more points but I will do them in another post.

My story IS single person third person point of view. How does it seem like omniscient narrator point of view? Just from the lack of feelings in that passage? I reread it and don't understand how you got that impression. It's from Gerald's point of view and the narration only includes his thoughts, not anyone else's.

I've gotten feedback that I have too much dialogue and not enough other stuff in my story since I started writing. This draft actually has a lot less dialogue in comparison to narration than previous drafts did. But this is one of many issues I address to a point I thought was satisfactory and still get the same feedback over again regardless. I do see how your version adds more feeling to the story.

Not that anyone cares but I’m going to work on chapter eight soon. Here's chapter 7 though
"Shiloh! Shiloh Kumori!" Darla shouted from the kitchen.
Shiloh woke up. Who could've thought that lip syncing could make you fall asleep so quickly? Shiloh rolled off of the futon and stood up. Then he walked out of his room's open door.
"Mom, did Dad take his meds?" Shiloh asked yawning.
Darla giggled.
"Yes he did, and we have guests for dinner." Darla said happily.
Shiloh smelled something really good. It smelled like....
"Mom! You made eel donburi! That's my favorite!" Shiloh rushed to the kitchen.
The egg, fried eel, rice bowl....Shiloh could eat it all in sitting.
"Give me more of that food, Mrs. Kumori!" Eli shouted with a mouth full of food.
Eli was stuffing his face with the eel donburi. Allan took the napkin off of his lap and dabbed his lip corners.
"Keep eating like pigglet and maybe you'll finally be a fat kid like me." Allan said in a snide tone of voice.
Eli just kept eating faster than a car at the Monaco Grand Prix. Shiloh walked up to Allan and held out his hand.
"Hey, are you E's brother?" Shiloh asked.
"Sadly. I mean, just look at him! Why would any seducer eat in such an uncouth manner?!" Allan said watching Eli gulp down a soda and let out a burp.
Allan shook Shiloh's hand.
"Anyway, I'm Allan. I am a mage. I do things other than show off my body and flirt like someone I know." Allan said grumpily.
Shiloh twirled the rice and egg with his chopsticks. As he stared at the table he debated if he should bring up the DNA sharing thing to his parents or keep his mouth shut. Ken looked at Shiloh concerned.
"Hey you okay?" Ken asked.
Shiloh stood up quickly and slammed his fists on the table nearly spilling everyone's drinks.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Shiloh asked angrily.
Shiloh breathed in and out so hard to the point where he felt like he was going to pass out.
"Eli told me everything!" Shiloh said pointing to his new "friend".
Eli looked away from Shiloh's stiff and pissed off face. He couldn't help but to feel some form of guilt.
"Shiloh, hunny. We just didn't want you to feel any different from any other boys your age." Darla said.
Shiloh's eyes turned bright, nearly neon red.
"If it's demon you want, demon you will get." Shiloh said menacingly.
Roman looked at Eli and nodded.
"Son, you know what to do." Roman said.
Eli got out of his seat and held a hand in the air.
"Incubus time start!" Eli shouted.
Curved horns grew out of Eli's head. His green eyes glowed red. His fingernails turned black.
"I've been waiting for this since day one." Eli said wiping saliva from his lips.
Shiloh swiped his hand in the air.
"Do your worst." Shiloh breathed.
Eli gazed into Shiloh's eyes.
"Manipulation massacre!" Eli shouted his voice echoing.
Shiloh soon felt dizzy. It was like he couldn't think for himself.
"I command you go back to your human form. If you do not, I will not be afraid to use force." Eli said.
Eli let out a grin that exposed his fangs.
"And believe me, we do love force, us seducers." Eli said.

Shiloh's eyes turned white for thirty seconds or less. Then they returned to hazel. His fangs went back to being normal teeth. He feel to the floor. Eli turned back to his human form. Eli laughed.
"That was fun, I want to play with you again!" Eli laughed.
He held out his arms.
"And look! The kitchen is unscathed!" Eli declared.