JSBACHlover wrote:
Hi, all! I haven't been on here for a while. Things have gotten busy at the office, and my depression is coming back a bit. Fortunately, the cooler weather helps.
I've gotten very frustrated with my music writing. I mean, I'm ok at it, but I was hoping my Aspieness would help me really pull my talents together and come up with some very systematically rigorous stuff. Alas, I've just hit a wall of mediocrity. Then, I just discovered the music and theory of Oliver Messaien, the 20th century composer who used alternate scales and harmonic systems, and I stand in awe before his achievement, feeling deep down that I have nothing more to offer musically and that I should just give up.
That's probably why I'm depressed: I'm not as good a composer as I imagined.
I'll be visiting WP more often, just to connect again for some good support and to "see" old friends.
The only person you have to satisfy, as a composer, is yourself.
The New York Times Music Critic, Harold Schoenberg, made a comment in his book,
Lives of the Great Composers, that what composers that are currently living are great? Either composers are writing music that is so obtuse, no one understands it, or there is a great composer living among us, and we, the people are too stupid to notice him or her.
Part of the problem, in my opinion, as a musicologist, and a vocalist (and hopefully, once my surgeries are completed on both my wrists, a clarinetist), is we who perform the serious music, that the concert hall and the opera house are now little more than a museum. How often does the music in the Fleischer collection at the Free Library of Philadelphia, for example,get performed? Other than historic performances in the Free Library's collection that WRTI-FM broadcasts the first Sunday in the month, not much.
Also, remember, it was composers starting with Beethoven and continuing to the present day, who were writing for posterity. Composers like Buxtehude, Schuetz, Bach, Haendel and Haydn considered themselves to be indentured servants, and we're writing music for their present time.