Poem

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comments/thoughts?

"Wishful Thinking"

Bring me to the water's edge
ripples dance across the surface
i'll sit with you upon a ledge
counting ways that it was worth this
knowing it's all just a dream
hold my hand until the waking
our stones, we'll toss, into the stream
until woken by gentle shaking
sunrise comes when it is ready
entwined fingers, palms together
i do my best to keep it steady
♡ that skips like rocks on water
unfair facts that i can't alter

It has a very wistful feel to it... the imagery is very nice, with the river and the skipping stones... it has a child-like feel to it, and by that I mean that the idea of skipping stones is one of those staple "ah, the happy days of my youth" things, not that the writing or anything is childlike. All in all, a very nice poem.

by the way, I really appreciate the way your poem rhymes. I've always liked rhyming poems and disliked black/free verse, with the exception of T.S. Eliot.

Thank you

wistful is actually exactly what i was feeling when i wrote it and what it came across to myself as well.
and i like to use a "child-like" theme as you call it. because it speaks of simplicity, and 'causes the reader to recall such times when life was simple, not for the strict purpose of resurrecting exactly such times in memory, but more or less the wistful/calm/nostalgic feelings which for those at our age or older often accompanies such memories which aptly set the desired tone i was seeking to portray. integrating familiar imagery, but twisting it to my own purpose for my own unique metaphor.

the poem itself is actually about a girl i like. i found out after i liked her that she's just a bit too young for me legally. which is referenced in the last line,"unfair facts that i can't alter". and the poem as a whole is written for her. even the first letters of each line spell out a message which reads:
"Brickhouse I ♡ U".
"Brickhouse" being one of her nicknames she goes by. Her name is actually Britney.

i also have one that's a spin on wishing wells, one that's vaguely reminiscent of the "3 Little Pigs" story, the "rain rain go away" song, and prolly a few others.



.

i love to write.
& what i write means alot to me.

boredd

feeling very...wistful.
today has been a day of reckoning and recollection.
hmmm...