Which is a better opening line?

Post Reply New Topic

A few years back, I essentially wrote a novel in a text-based RP forum. My primary coauthor deleted the forum in a fit of being a teenager. I had, on my computer, a few reference documents ("Threads by Date," which showed the characters, locations, and titles) and a few excerpts. In addition, I had a copy of the last chapter, considered by all who have read it to be stunning; most of them cried despite themselves when reading it.

Due to the number of hours I invested, my attachment to the work, and the powerful nature of both story and finale, I have long talked of a rewrite. However, as I did not originally know this was to be a novel, there is, technically, no beginning. After much research online as to what sort of elements were required for a proper opening sentence, and several hours of trying, I managed only two that I cared for.

My former coauthor strongly preferred one; my roommate the other. Both are people who know me well and whom I respect, among the only I'd bother to ask or who would bother to answer. However, my coauthor commented "but perhaps that's because I know the story." My roommate, ironically, said, "but I don't know all of the story."

So, since none of you know . . . which is better?

I can understand the pain of trying to figure out the best opening line.

The reason I chose #2 is because 1) it's impact is AWESOME and 2) It's short, sweet and to the point.

However, if I was to make another vote tomorrow morning, I might choose #1 because I'm more of a literary mood then. More verbose in nature.

That probably doesn't help you much, does it? heh

I much prefer the first one over the second. I like the foreshadowing; being told straight away that this story is not going to end well and you're about to find out why.

The second line has kind of the same foreshadowing but it's just not as intriguing to me as the world ending.

Knowing nothing about the story except those lines, I'd read the first book but not the second. But I am a reader and not a writer, so I really don't know.

To be honest, they're both good. I can't decide which would be better.

It probably depends upon the nature of the story. Someone interested in SF, and plot would probably prefer #1. If it is about character development #2 probably works better.

My vote is for Number 2 because Number 1 uses to many words and essentially repeats itself. The second one is a straighter juxtaposition.

I don't know if anyone watched The Late Late Show, but Stephen Fry heralded the brilliance of Twitter and how many kind through the ages has resorted to short sharp literature due to natural restrictions i.e. linotype, telegraph etc.

As my mentor used to say, the best description he ever read in a screenplay was:

INT. ROOM - DAY

sh***y.

I like the second one better at first glance, because it's shorter. Also, I think that the phrase "dark and stormy night" has a reputation as a cliche way to start a story.

As a seeker of elusive happy stories,
I typically find the ones that end badly on the last page
the next best thing.

as far as cliches go, dark and stormy night isn't the worst!

Writers are told to avoid cliches because they get boring after awhile. Boring for the writer AND the reader.