I'd say the story is very good, as are the characters. I agree with what some other people have said there about your artwork. It's interesting, but isn't very anatomically correct and the marker lines can be distracting. I, too, struggle with drawing human forms. I have drawn images (not traced) from the Bionicle comics, which are bio-mechanical life forms. They have curves, but said curves are always anchored by straight lines.
Have you experimented with programs like Autodesk Sketchbook? It's designed to work with a mouse or tablet. The program itself is as much as $200 and tablets cost about as much. Still, I wish I had them...
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When I allow it to be
There's no control over me
I have my fears
But they do not have me