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TearsOnMyPillow
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Joined: 3 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 5

05 Mar 2011, 6:04 am

at night time when all are asleep
that is when I weep
I grieve the son no longer here
and I feel every little fraction of fear
how do I help a young soul in distress?
I feel inadequate playing this life's chess
if only love was enough to heal
erase and conceal
with calmness out of sight
I cried last night



jojobean
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Joined: 12 Aug 2009
Age: 47
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Posts: 3,341
Location: In Georgia sipping a virgin pina' colada while the rest of the world is drunk

05 Mar 2011, 12:00 pm

Very touching...gave me goosebumps which is a sign of good poetry, but the rhyme meter is alittle cheezy though, no offense I hope.

try this instead
A, B, A, B
or
even
ABBA

but AA BB CC rhyme can be kinda cheezy...explore the different meters, but the words are well chosen to well the reader feel what you feel...good job.

Other than that, what is going on with your son, did he die, or just unreachable??

Jojo


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All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up.
-James Baldwin


TearsOnMyPillow
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Joined: 3 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 5

06 Mar 2011, 6:44 am

my son had to go live at a boarding school at the age of 11 ½... he's been very violent and hurting his family members and is really struggling his way through life with Asperger's and impulse control issues under the hood.

thank you for reading and commenting my poem. :-)