My Poems

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So I thought I'd share some poems I've written. I suppose for now I'll just post the ones more relevant to this forum (about being autistic, interacting with people, that sort of deal) and maybe I'll post some others if anyone's interested.


From Behind Glass Walls


Watching all of the normal folk
From behind a glass wall
That stands miles too tall
And never quite getting the joke

Dissecting words all the time
To find out what you mean
I can't read in between
So why don't you speak on the line?

Tell me how to speak
I mean this most sincere
It's a feeling I fear
That I may be a freak

When you said you like me a lot
Was there a hint in your eyes
To suggest otherwise
That I just never caught?

On the inside looking out
Through codes and illusion
Hints met with confusion
I try to decipher what it's all about

This is what it's like watching normal people
From behind glass walls



Normal Folk


I don't know just where I fit in
I tried to chin up, but I had no friends
Only my songs know where the story ends

I tried to make friends, as best as I could
Hoping that might do my self-worth some good
They all left me like I knew they would

Neurotic feelings in my brain
No one wants to hear you complain
Smile, and say you're not in pain

I'm not sure how to be like you
I'm missing all the social cues
I tried to act like normal people do

Reflecting on an empty past
And conversations that will never last
Just bite your tongue and let the feeling pass

Their sympathy was one big joke
I tried to blend in and take off my cloak
I tried to socialize like normal folk

Tongue Tied


I feel my heart start to burst like a grenade
My confidence is frayed, my sense begins to fade
As I try to walk your way, you walk on by
Through all of the upsetting, nervous anxiousness and fretting
Once again feel myself sweating, betting
This will never fly

And if you see me stalling, trying to buy some time
It's just an old habit of mine, so don't pay it any mind
There are no words to find, I have misplaced them
My stumbling and twisted tongue, and all these things for naught
All of the memories I've got, of giving this a shot
You think it's good, I know it's not, so I erased them

Calculating chances, my mind is on the run
Words trapped behind my tongue, they're not reaching anyone
And long before I'm done, I will be leaving
All of my words tripping, slipping, ripping shreds of dignity
There's not much left for me, there's no one I can meet
I'd like that we should speak, but I'm just dreaming


Falling Apart


Broken, battered, beaten, bruised
Twisted, shattered, torn-up, used
You're not to blame, you did not choose
They took from you what you can't lose
And stay alive, to hear the news
Your friends, your peers, your holy muse
Are ready, willing, to refuse
The time of day, and you're confused
That everyone would just say no

Where you stand, the precipice
With memories you thought you'd miss
But all the dreams have turned to s**t
The judges, they all leer and hiss
You want to dream, to reminisce
But yesterdays all look like this
And you wonder where the angel is
You don't know where else you should go

Phony friends, pretend and fake it
Offer hope and swiftly take it
In a crowd you stand, alone and naked
You bare your soul, but never make it
To learn the rule that nothing's sacred
To charlatans who feed on shaken
Hearts of those who bleed, but don't know

All the things of which they swore
The promises of something more
But evil waits behind closed doors
And everything is like before
They said they won't hurt you anymore
Inside your mind, a civil war
When you finally realize they're lying

An empty gaze, a silent stare
You ask "Is anybody there?"
They ask the same, but you're not here
Detached, mistrusting, mind elsewhere
So used to fraud, you're tired and scared
You wouldn't know if someone cared
Rare honesty, caught unaware
So they just walk away sighing

You try to hide behind disguise
Blend in with society's lies
But you're not exempt to be criticized
The war goes on until someone dies
So you try to cut away all ties
Of the friends that you once idolized
And apologize for even trying

I really like your poems, there very insightful into the suffering of Asperger's and the emotions they create I found very moving. I too am a poet writing about my experiences with Autism, but am having a hard time getting feedback. I've actually just recently published a collection. How many poems have you done?

Quite a lot. I would never be able to give an exact number, since I have a lot scattered throughout the internet, and there's some I lost due to computer problems. But yeah, a lot. Mostly about girls, but more recently I've been trying to move toward more self-reflective stuff (which of course tends to result in the rather pessimistic tone my writings are known for).

I like pessimism A lot of people have said I'm very bitter in my poems. But life isn't all sunshine and rainbows as I try to show readers, invoking emotion, a better understanding and prehaps pity. You're after the same reaction right?
It sounds like you have wrote a lot of poems and I hope that those "scattered" on the net haven't been stolen by others. How long have you been writing for exactly?

For about 2 years now.


Also, here's some more poems (some fairly old ones).


Amanda


I swallowed my pride, but I'm choking on words
I'm trying to get this out right
I'm tossing and turning, a meaningless yearning
A fire in my mind at night

Until I can find all the right words to say
Give me a raincheck to speak just this once
I'll make this alright or go out like a light
A flicker of what I once was

My heart is no longer pumping out blood
And I am a walking cliché
Romantic ideals, wonder how the girl feels
Hearing what a dumb boy has to say

Give me a lie I can live with
Just hold on and don't let me go
I did everything wrong, so just play along
Please pretend that we're all better now

I said I hated you, this was your fault
Only 'cause I'm such a liar
Apologize for my lies, looking in your eyes
Now my fate is hanging on a wire

You can erase me from your life
Burn all the photographs in your mind
I'm understanding now you can't be mine
But I'll always be here if you find time


Point In Time


The memories stored away
And wrapped in cellophane
As the rain comes crashing down
On the windowpane
The lights are all dim
We're in our grave
The people move on
The memory fades

Many good feelings
Rust and decay
We made a connection
The ceiling gave way
Support beams shattered
Where is my crutch?
I want what we had
We never had much

The shadow of yesterday
Breathes through today
A spectre from a past life
That won't go away
A chill down my spine
Why are you still gone?
Give me light
Don't make me move on


How To Say I Love You


A light rain falls on the city
And the streets are all empty
The clouds are all grey
No one is out today
But to my surprise
I see sunlight
And there you are

Nowhere in the world
Is there a person like you
Quiero decir Te quiero
...But I don't know how to

My tongue's tied and twisted
I hope I've not missed it
The chance of a lifetime
To make sure that you're mine
And I almost lost faith
But for a beautiful face
And there you are

I hope I'm good enough
I don't have that savoir-faire
Je tiens à dire Je t'aime
...But I don't think I'd dare

Gorgeous and pure
A brilliant contour
Angelic and free
I want you to want me
I see stars in the skies
When I look in your eyes
And there you are

You're perfect and pretty
You're beautiful art
Voglio dire ti amo
...But I don't know where to start

Stepping out of the woods
And feeling something good
From darkness into the light
I find that this all feels right
Happy, it finally seems
Waking up from pleasant dreams
And there you are

I really feel this way
And I pray you do too
I want to say I love you
...And I swear that I do


Seize Yesterday (I Miss Us)


These faded memories
From days so far away
These dreams of better times
I hoped were here to stay
I want to speak to you
And reclaim yesterday

I find I'm feeling down
And I could use a lift
It's not your fault
Nobody caused the rift
But contact starts to fade
And people start to drift

But I shouldn't talk
I know I was too quiet
So let's make a connection
And tightly tie it
I don't want to miss out
I want to try it

Gregarious, you gave me help
Really brought my spirits up
Always there to comfort me
Crazy as it maybe seems
I really miss the memory
Everything we used to be

Let's take it back

These are just as good, I especially liked the imagery in "Amanda"

I like your poems too. I also write poetry but I think you are better than me. Then again we have different styles. I find I can relate to your writting very well and you're very good at adequately portraying how you feel. I really like them.