Collaborative Writing

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I need help on my writing I was hoping someone here could collaborate with me on any story. Any ideas or suggestions or tools to help me finish will be appreciated.

If you have unfinished stories you would like me to read please post them here or post a link to them.

If you want to read one of my unfinished stories click or copy the link;
Fate's Horizon Link Click Here

Last edited by wcoltd on 28 Jul 2011, 10:46 am, edited 2 times in total.

First page of fates horizon, might want to change

to two or so day's (the brain starts hallucinating after around three days).

And, it seams a bit spares on detail. Other then that i can't really make any suggestions.

I agree with you, the story is light on detail, I'm working on that but it's a slow process. I created a simple wikipage to build an encyclopedia of this fictional universe.

Wikimagination The Fate Horizon (I don't expect you to read it)

The idea behind wikimagination is to have authors write encyclopedias on their book, you can describe any imaginable detail about the

Also I doubt it was intentional but you called the story "Fate's Horizon", I think that's a better title than what I had.

Correct, i forgot the "the", lol

I wasn't correcting you. I really do think its a better title.

Oh

Hey thanks for reading, I made revisions largely with your comments in mind.
It still needs plenty of work though I think it has gotten better.

The first sentence,read out-loud, feels like a run-on sentence. Especially with the repeated 'it was.....it was'. However, now that I am commenting, I don't know whether it is considered your 'signature style' in writing; is it just a conflict with my own style of writing?
If only there was a professional to do it.

I know what you mean. When something repeats like that it can really bother me too. I can't think of anything to replace "it was" with.

Do you know a way we could write that any better?

I tried changing the punctuation.

With my writing style, I would join the sentences with a semi-colon. As in:

I feel guilty, because I know I altered that. too much. >_<;

Is it okay to pass the baton of the narrator to first person after the introduction? The girl is released from that tragic burden and should be discovering her individual self now.
Unless, the narrator was a sick buddy in the same room as her; and followed her the whole story?

It's good to alter it, I changed this story so much over the years.

When I first wrote this story about 9 years ago - believe it or not - it was a fanfiction of Gundam Wing. Back then it was called "Genesis Horizon".

If you find anything you want changed don't hesistate to let me know.

I'm going to upload a second version by "Collaborated" if you don't want it posted let me know and I'll take it down.

Done editing, and selfishly mutating your short-story. I am really good at editing, but would never be able to come up with a story like you did; or where you got to at that point.

Here it is in my google documents:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tFf ... t?hl=en_US