A poem I wrote about my behavior a few weeks ago

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I Need To Be Happy

I’ve been constantly burning incense
Just because I thought it kept me calm
Happy and tranquil
Then one night when I woke up at 3
I was thinking a bad though that I can’t explain
And I bit my hand and screamed really loud

I kept on biting and screaming
And my dad kept yelling at me
I woke up my mom
And I might have woken up the neighbors
The incense made me worse

I took three valium
And had coffee with a lot of Bailey’s
But I still kept biting
My mom wouldn’t want to take me anywhere
Because I was acting unpleasant
And not fun to be around

Later on, I had a couple of hot buttered bourbons
Watching the last episode of One Life to Live
To pay tribute to the end of the soap
The next day, while watching the Niners playoffs
I got very drunk, threw up and fell asleep
Before the game was over
When I woke up, I could hardly walk
I thought that getting drunk would make me happy
That it would help me to stop biting my hand
But I learned that it doesn’t

I want to be happy
I need to be happy
I need to try to be happy
So I can be a pleasant and fun person
For people to be around
I need to find a way
To stop thinking those bad thoughts
And to start thinking good thoughts
I feel like I’m an unpleasant person
And that no one will like me
And want to be around me

I understand how you feel.