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First public poem

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Skateri
Pileated woodpecker
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Joined: 6 Feb 2012
Age: 36
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Location: Århus, Denmark

11 Feb 2012, 8:54 pm

Hi guys...

I wrote this poem the other day and I would really like to hear what you think... You are welcome to analyze it or whatever you want... I welcome constructive critic because I really wanna improve... (and no, I don't have a title for it yet)

And just so you know, all my poems are written with heart and feeling. I don't do satire...

I am being chased
I try to escape
Run
Hide
But I am always found
I try to hide behind my mask
The familier mask
The mask of smiles
Happiness
But underneath
The tears are falling
The thoughts are damaging
I try to escape
But I am always found
By the truth


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KianaKitter
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11 Feb 2012, 10:15 pm

I like it :)


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Sparx
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11 Feb 2012, 10:44 pm

It's not bad at all, but it doesn't really stand out to me. It's rather bland and indescriptive. Perhaps you should expand your vocabulary a bit.



Skateri
Pileated woodpecker
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Joined: 6 Feb 2012
Age: 36
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Location: Århus, Denmark

12 Feb 2012, 8:05 am

Sparx wrote:
It's not bad at all, but it doesn't really stand out to me. It's rather bland and indescriptive. Perhaps you should expand your vocabulary a bit.


I admit, it's not one of my best... But thank you for your advice... :) I'll take that into consideration writing the next one... :)

KianaKitter wrote:
I like it :)


Thx! :D


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***Susan aka Sue***

"If you can dream it, you can do it!" - Walt Disney