I want to write an autobiographical book about Aspie's. A Neurotypical asked me if I would so I could help others understand how Aspergers feel about stuff. This is how I'm going to do it; feedback and critique is loved.
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My Own Original Universe - Part 1
Obsessions.
We are creatures of habit.
We are consumed by them.
A book can't talk back to you, laugh at you for being awkward around boys. A computer game can't do anything more than follow the codes and programming into it, no matter how real the A.I. might seem. A picture is the perfect child, obedient to your hand and beautiful in every way imaginable, because you made it and you are proud of it.
"Dinnertime!"
Later. You'll go and grab something out of the fridge when you want to. "No thank you!" you might yell back, or you might not say anything at all. Hell, you might feel downright irritated when someone comes to your messy corner of the house to come and tell you sup's on. Isolation is our goddess, our second mother, and we're not too keen on leaving it. It's hard to break out of hyperfocus once it's got you in its hold, and maybe it feels better than being around a lot of people. Even around your own family, you feel out of place; you try and keep interest in a conversation, but you fall into the old, "Talk more, listen less," pattern where you talk at someone. You can't joke with them either, as sometimes you take things literally, or the humour flies over your head. And of course, there's the lack of connection and empathy you have sometimes, and you can't connect with them. It feels like you're there, but at the same time, you're the foreigner at the gates speaking with a funny accent.
So, you retreat. You go where the Neurotypicals can't follow, damned if it breaks and burns bridges with your own blood. When you do reach out, you stick your foot in your mouth, because you want a relationship, but at the same time, you don't. You just want to be alone. And in quiet. Or listening to your music. Sometimes, nothing's more grating than the sound of Mom or Pop's voice trying to get your attention, and when they leave with your siblings for bowling, you relish the quiet. Or is that just a teenage thing, turning down every opportunity to socialize, only to realize years later how badly you've screwed the pooch?
10 Feb 2012, 9:13 am
