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samtoo
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22 Oct 2010, 10:29 pm

This poem is imperfect

My writing is imperfect, wouldn’t you say?
You may enquire about the structure, the articulation of the words…
You may know you can write better than this.

My music is imperfect, wouldn’t you say?
Perhaps you are impressed by my ability, the sweet notes of my melody…
We know Beethoven can play better.

I am imperfect, wouldn’t you say?
Do you notice my despairing sorrow; my tardiness to create?
Will I backtrack and correct my errors?

You are imperfect, wouldn’t you say?
Are you at all imbalanced, enervated in search of joy?
Can we forever be happy?

Our thoughts are imperfect, wouldn’t you say?
Every one of us is impure, we can never be divine.
Do you sense the abstruse joy in your imperfections?

This poem is imperfect…
Wouldn’t you say?


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Alliy
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22 Oct 2010, 11:22 pm

This is amazing! I'm being totally honest; what part of you brain do ideas like this come from? It's fantastic! (Plus, I love that you managed to get such a strong tone/voice through, what, 20-30 lines of poetry?!?!?!)



hyperlexian
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22 Oct 2010, 11:24 pm

beautiful! and clever.

i find the use of the word "backtracking" creates a sad sense of facing backward and wondering whether life or experiences could or should be changed, or if it should all be left to rest, though imperfect.


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conundrum
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23 Oct 2010, 1:30 am

A very honest commentary on humanity itself. :)

Keep writing! :thumright:


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Ambivalence
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23 Oct 2010, 3:54 pm

Beethoven's buried / in his grave he is bound,
No sweet notes nor sultry / more will he sound.
And he cannot compose / or write or create,
Fall to it yourself / scribble on - it's your fate.


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Tomasu
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23 Oct 2010, 3:58 pm

^^Wooooowwwww, I believe your poem is very beautiful samtoo.

^^ Yaye also Ambivalence I believe your little poem is very lovely.


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samtoo
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27 Oct 2010, 9:41 pm

Alliy: Thank you very much. :) I am glad you like it. :)
I tend to just sort of imagine... when I write poems (which there aren't many of at all so far), I often imagine myself mentally using the voice of an old English teacher I had when I was in school.

hyperlexian: Thank you very much. :) I am glad you like it. :)
To be honest, I didn't perceive it with that metaphor - I actually simply meant to correct mistakes in creative writing. :lol: Now that you mention it... I did mean it. :P Joking, but yes - good to spot that - your interpretation of a metaphor there works.

conundrum: Thank you very much. :) I am glad you like it. :)
I wish to keep writing.

Ambivalence: This is a lovely poem. :) Thank you for sharing.
Keep writing. :)

Tomasu: Thank you very much. :) I am glad you like it. :)
Thank you.


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Happiness never decreases by being shared.