Two poems and one short story

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I failed my English regents in high school. I could never grasp the concept of english. I'm just good at creative writing, when i'm in the mood. I don't even understand most of my own writing enough to really know if it all makes sense. I just write each line with out looking at the next.

I was diagnosed an aspie recently my original my diagnoses was pdd-nos.

I never read.

I'm much better with music and art. my mind learns through images and sound not words really. I'm a very right brained aspie.



Silent Screams

forgive me for being developmental
forgive me for even being born
forgive me for everything I haven't done
rip me trip me beat me scarred and torn

is everyone all so shallow
am I as useless as it seems
or am I just autistic as my tears began to bleed

If you could beat me silent if you coul rip my seams
then you will be the first to be what you think of me
in this dark little corner bending on my knees
I thought of these last words to set my spirit free

so forgive me for being developmental
so forgive me for even being born
i'am the little thing you fear wearing the crown of thorns





The ring of knowledge

Halls that once kept life bearable to the deadly wasteland
The hourglass drops poison relentless speeding quick sand
Behind a clown mask with scarred scarecrow slick followers
The bearded freaks the hallow tip midnight sword swallowers
Ripping with razor sharp teeth chained spiked death ball bats
Through the veins unjust demented spiritual physical attacks
Knowing all empty court judgments life so brutally ruined
Appearing transparent in mirrors surfacing in welts bruises
Inflicting other worldly hell you feel the pain you asked for
Gripping heads fall eyes glow breathe shaking neck torn
Through echoing chimes of lullaby earths a bitter dark tomb
Piercing laughter meeting the dead world I savage consume
Flashes of life above murder not a living deceived lying soul
Think twice roll the dice your device but never pay the toll
If life were to be such an intentional loving sacred holy thing
Than why does death consume the circle the fire life red ring?
I wondered and wondered in an abandoned sheltered lost cell
Meeting the truth suffering is bliss welcome to life’s living hell




EVE'S SUNSET ( I never finshed it )

along a city in a time of desperate need and repair with crime a midst and life suppresssed. Stood a girl named eve staring out her window gazing upon the moon light of the 39th floor of her parents apartment. Eve was 15 she was quite a beauty blonde hair emrarld green eyes a model type appearence but her shyness and socialy awkard timid way of life, kept her from dating. Even though she was well liked at her high school, life was like a doll face with a zipper on the mouth for eve. She needed to figure out who she was before she could fully open up to the type of world out there that was to harsh for her highly sensitive nature. Gazing through a stary night and looking at life as if it were an hour glass she knew she was different she knew she didn't fit in at all, but all the other people in the world could never even fathom the depth she had as if she were an angel given a divine mind. "I belive we are headed towards darker and darker times the apacolypse could be coming eve wrote in her dairy. She quite often wrote of the subject, no one would belive me though, maybe they would when its to late". Eve had been given something that was a double standard a yin and yang a postive and negative she could see through people she could see through the lies and corruption and propaganda on tv. She was a an empath a dieng trait in a world gone mad.

The school day began the next day. With an ipod that was playing an old school aphex twin beating a binary beat to the rythm of her soul she walked into the kitchen to make her self some toast. "Hi mom she said are you still working late tonight." "Sure am eve, I need to work over time quite often to pay the bills you know that." Your father should be avaible to pick you up from school today if you want so you don't have to walk home alone again when it gets dark" now let me make something clear her mother said in a sharp tone. "were living in a world were crime is at every corner of life, the line between good and evil has been blurred." "it wasn't like this when I was a kid you have to be careful very careful." Eve already knew every word her mother said as being true people were blinded by eve's socially odd behavoir and she knew that even her own mother couldn't see the purity that lied between her outer self and her inner love she had for nature and humanity. Eve poliltley said "ok mom but I have to go before i'm late."

Eve skipped out the door and hummed the tune being played in the elavator and rushed out of the apartment building with a piece of toast still in her hand. A new day at school as she gazed upon streaming lights of the subway as she nibbled on the remains of her breakfast. She was always delightful in the morning, she heard a whisper from a around the corner of the PS 916 school stairs entrance and turned to her side as two arms reached out and grabbed her as if it were a hug she looked back it was a girl named samantha. Samantha giggled "did I scare you eve" eve quitley shrugged and said " you sure did sam" come on your always so quiet you always got that ipod playing you should come hang out with us and be a normal kid. "what do you do all day up at that apartment "eve was by her locker by now putting in the combo rumishing through her books. She turned to samatha and said " well I really need to get to class." Samantha grabbed eve by the arm gently and tugged it and said "do you want to come with us after school to cyber 9 the local club, we can sneak you in my boyfriends a bouncer there." Eve was growing tired of being alone and with her mother always working late her life was dull as the walls that surrorded her day and night in her room. She would just write in her dairy read books and surf the web. She knew enough about samantha from over hearing conversations in lunch and in study hall to know what kind of girl she was. She wasn't a true friend to any one really just the type of girl that eve really needed to stay away from. But as eve's bordem, silence and lack of friends began to haunt her more it was growing more apparent to her that if she didn't make friends or have some kind of memories to look back on. Her bordem could turn to depression. Eve said with a fragile voice "well I guess but I would need to tell my dad first he's picking me up after school." "Great" Samantha said "see you then."

Eve's school started at 7:00 am and ended at 6:00 pm, it was a long day but today was even longer as the butterflys in her stomach began to swarm thinking about all the scenarious of what could go wrong but she knew she needed to break out of her shell. She possesed the innoncene of heaven and would have been better off being born in a parrell universe with people who could feel as much as she could. Eve felt with her soul she saw with rightoues eyes but even though tempation started to lead her towards a world that was quite the opposite of her anglelic temperate. The school bell wrang the moment was here and samantha and all of her friends came to eve's locker so are you ready to go. Eve looked at them and said "well I need to call my dad" screw your dad, a girl named andrea said. Come one were going to party.

It was eve samantha andrea laken and sarah. All four the girls with eve were the typical kind of thoughtless immature deliqeunt zombie state of mind teens of the time. They wore neon green and organge mini skirts with notthing underneath, with their breasts bulgingout of their shirts tied around their chests as if they were bra's. Schools didn't have much of dress code after the new political movement to make schools more creative life slowly started to become a dark fantasty world. As they walked out of the school several punks with bats were beating a teacher of PS 916 for giving them failing grades on their report cards. The street light's had black light bulbs as they beated a stream of a hot glowing sexual delight for the local bums staring at the the glowing chests of the 4 girls who had black light clothing on to attract the attention. Anarchy symbols were being spray pianted of the hoods of cars as they got closer to the club, the glowing lights of sin streaming down a technological hell, as the girls went down the stairs eve stared in silence and had stared in silence the whole way there at the dark reality life had become. They went down a steep narrow stair case with profane graffiti on the walls with bubble letter slogans such as "I bleed poison now drink it" "kill in creative ways" and "f**k society". As they approached the door there was man on acid being beaten in the corner by two men laughing squeling f**k me harder. They knocked on the door and a bouncers came cracked it open a it , and said hey "sluts whats up here to party" Who's this girl "oh thats eve she's new here." well she's sure is hot come on in" the bouncer said laughing oh and whats the pass word samantha andrea laken and sarah giggled turned around bent over lifted up the backs thier skirts exposing their bare butts and walked on in.

Eve leaned against the wall and queitly stood there, samantha said "come on eve lets go to the dance floor." eve went into a state shock at all the darkness overhelming her immersing senses and could barely even the think with the sound of the sex driven lyrics blarring out of the speakers from all sides and corners of the club. Eve stuttered "I, I th th think I'll stay here" eve looked around the the club seeing naked men and woman sliding twirling up and down poles and stripping on the stage. Others were throwing up at the bar while the waiters still sold them drink after drink of hard liquor. The strobe lights lazers and fog machines made were strangling her mind she couldn't belive that this was all real. There were men fondling bare chested women on the dance floor, and teenage girls stealing wallets out of the pockets of passed out drunk men. As samantha and all her friends were busy dirty dancing with guys in there late 20's. Eve had read about places like this but never dreamed of entering a world so filled with lust, drug abuse, and overall sin. She crumpled herself up into a fetal postion on the floor sobbing and hoped that it would soon be over she was paralyzed by the darkness that crept into her ears eyes and into her viens through her spine and into her brain. She was the only normal person in place were crazy was normal and normal was crazy.

Your writing is a bit hard to follow, mainly due to grammar errors, but it is still very interesting. I like it. I especially like the "She was the only normal person in a place where crazy was normal and normal was crazy" line. I think you should finish the short story.