Black River Baptist

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Tourists often, come here and ask what made the Cusabo River run black? Well The official answer was a phenomenon known as hydroplast softening, they say an oil well's concrete lining became saturated with water and desintegrated under the Cusabo River.

The real truth though, goes back to 1959 in Carolina Baptist Church back before it was known as Black River Baptist. You see there was a congregation of the most sinful group of churchgoers that ever had nerve to call themselves "Christians". I often wonder what brought these people together in this church, absent all morality. and I suppose it was for their own salvation. They wanted to go on in perpetual sin and be forgiven! The greatest insult to Christ you can imagine. Believe me when I tell you they were sinners, there aint a fire in hell hot enough to burn those folk. They were bad to the bone, badder than the devil on a monday morning. That includes Pastor Baab, by the way I'm not gonna say he was the worst, but he was up there right with them.

Absent poor Marina Davis, each member of the congregation represented some sin.

Now I don't remember all their names but I can make names for them.

There was Eddie Green, stole every dollar he got his hands on, could con you out of your shirt. And sell it back to you for twice the price you bought it for. He didn't care he was rich, the only reason he showed up to church was so he could stealing money from the offering.
There was Jackie Red, had a real mean temper, You did not look this man in the eyes unless you wanted yours black, When you saw Jackie you nod you head and shut the your mouth. Jackie Red was powder keg with hair trigger, The man was a raging bull, the meanest man on Mean Street.
Johnnie Blue damn fool turned every blessing into a curse. He would see the bad side to winning the lottery. He was always afraid and therefore didn't do much of anything.
Big Betty Brown lady had one hell of an appetite let me tell you, They say she could eat her way through the dinner table and ask for seconds.
Prideful Pastor Baab. God was nothing compared to what he thought of himself. The only thing he cared about more than himself was his cocaine habit, supplied by the weekly offering. They was supposed to fund an operation of the most devoted churchgoer, miss poor Marina Davis, she had Cataracts and couldn't afford to get an operation on account of her generous offerings.

One day Pastor Baab had a bright idea. He was gonna cure miss Marina Davis of her blindness. He sat up on the podium and he said

"Welcome all, welcome Eddie, Jackie and John, welcome Beutiful Missy and your mother, whom I have a wonderful suprise for.

God came to me last night and he told me he was going to instruct me to perform for him a miracle. A miracle of miracles. We are gonna shine god's cleansing light."

God provided us with a clear day. The clearest of days and we gonna use this day. We are going to go outside. I want the whole congretation to join me here while we perform god's will. We conna cure Miss Marina Davis of her blindness!"

"We all know Miss Davis, she is a blessing upon this world. She gives all she can to the end of god. It is time we repay her. Gather around her in this circle. I want you all to hold hands and pray for her and her sight."

"Miss Davis can you see the sun?"

"Yes, I can!" Miss Davis replied.

"i want you to stare into the sun until you see god!"

It took some time before Miss Davis saw god. When she did she exlaimed to the congregation "PRAISE JESUS" and promptly tripped over a rock and fell over herself.

Her optomitrist was furious...