Having trouble with novel dialogue. ._.

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I was wondering if any writers out there are successful with writing could dialogue, despite having social challenges with conversations and what not. D: This is something I've been struggling with and can't seem to fix without having someone able to understand what I'm going through. ._.

Here's an example of my dialogue:

“What's a ret*d like you doing at the school so early?” one of the bullies asked after I took out my headphones.

“I always come early so I can finish my homework...” I frowned at them as the two of them snickered.

“Are you too stupid to finish it at home?” the other boy started to laugh.

“No... I don't like doing my homework at home...” I shook my head and tried to continue with my work.

I was almost finished with doing my math homework when one of the bullies grabbed my notebook and tore it up. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I sobbed over my hard work, now in shreds.

“Why...why did you...do that?” I asked as I kept my eyes on the torn shreds of my math homework.

“I don't need a reason for anything I do!” he snickered as he placed my notebook onto the picnic table next to my book.

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I've been told my dialogue could use work and at first, I didn't really think of it. Now I know that my dialogue sucks because well, in real life, I don't know that much about what people talk about, how they talk... stuff like that. So when I write dialogue, it comes off as being flat and kind of boring.

Does anyone know any ways to improve this? D: I know I'm probably asking the wrong people but I thought maybe at least a few people might know how to fix this.

I think the issue is more that we don't really understand the scene-the dialogue isn't bad, but the framing prose is.

Did bullies actually rip up your math homework though? That's rough.

Hello! John Steinbeck once said that if you ever have trouble writing dialogue you should say it out loud as you write it. I think there's a webpage on it, here, I'll link it.
http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/ ... n-writing/

Perhaps I can be a tiny bit of help... I love writing, even if I'm not super great at it.

First, I would suggest removing the word "the" in front of the word "school". It sounds more natural that way. Sometimes you have to switch from the reader's point of view and instead, try to imagine how things would be spoken in your character's world. Next, try to avoid overusage of a word, like where it says "them" twice in the end part of the 2nd sentence, and "math homework" twice, close together. And then, I'm not sure if it's completely proper grammar to use "with" in things like "tried to continue with" and "almost finished with".

But anyways, those are mostly just simple edit things... in general, the dialogue seems fine to me so far. Just remember to keep emotion in it. (Maybe read some dramatic books/scripts/ect. for inspiration.

(Sorry if my advice wasn't the least bit useful; it's a bit hard for me to just generalize writing tips. I do best with specific details of things... so please understand I wasn't trying to criticize and micromanage your dialogue sentences or anything LOL. ^_^")

I don't think bullies would ask about homework; not generally their topic. But let's keep the action as you outlined.

Use less description, allow the reader to feel what the character feels without telling the reader what the character is feeling and thinking. Also I strongly believe that bullies don't address the victim directly in conversation. Remember the victim is an object to bullies. And, I'm thinking that someone with AS might not be conversing either; how about letting the victim be too frozen with anxiety to be able to respond verbally. Have the bullies talking to one another only. How would it sound/feel that way?

By the way never shrink from re-writing, that's how writing is improved. Let's look at the effect of keeping the dialog between the bullies only:


Removing my earphones, I heard what they were saying. “What's this ret*d doing here so early?” “She's too stupid to finish her work at home." They snickered and closed in. "Let's see what we have here, it's math homework and it's just about finished." He took my notebook and tore it.

Against my will, tears streamed down my cheeks.

"Aw, man, that was harsh; why'd you do that?" the other one laughed out.

“I don't need reasons for what I do.” he said as he placed my notebook on the picnic table next to my book.


Re-write by taking away anything that's spelling out what is already obvious. You don't need to call the abusers bullies because that's obvious; they are bullying. Allow the reader to identify them as bullies.

If you think that you don't have a good feel for how folks talk in real life; study dialog in books and movies you like. Deconstruct it to see what makes it sound immediate or interesting to you.

Three things have helped me with my dialogue, as I struggle with the same problem. For starters, I have always loved observing people without actually interacting. People-watching, like at the park or mall or whatever give you multiple speech patterns to follow, dialect, turns of phrase, etc.

Second, I have kept a "quote book" since I was 12. I write down funny or touching or just plain weird stuff people say, either in person, on movies, in good books, whatever.

Third, I have my husband (and before him, co-workers and the family I stayed with) to run dialogue with. I tell them where I'm going with the character and then read the line. They play with it until it sounds like a person saying it rather than a computer.

I think that my social awkwardness actually helped me with dialog. When I was doing my fiction thing, my dialog always got the most praise. The reason for this is that I tend to sit back and listen in social situations. I hear more than those trying to talk over each other. It helped me develop a good ear for dialog. But it did require me being in social situations to develop that. I'm not likely as good with it now that I'm at home most of the time. I'd have to go out more to write dialog today.

But even once you develop an ear for how people talk, you have to remember that being realistic and writing good fiction are two different things. The realism is important, but it must be in small doses, and the dialog has to have a purpose in the story, not just ramble on, however realistically.

Always read it back to yourself out loud. That helps a lot. Sometimes I used a tape recorder, read it onto tape, and played the tape back so I could really hear it.

I do what BlueAbyss does - listen in on conversations others are having. As a writer, I find this necessary otherwise all my characters would be speaking in my voice, and that's a bad thing. I "spy" on conversations in the supermarket, in waiting rooms, at my job, on the street, etc. It's so interesting how people say the same things in various ways, and this obviously stems from their history, background, level of education, ethnicity, etc. To wit:
"I'm going to the store. I'll be right back."
"I'm off to the grocers. I'll return in a jiffy."
"Don't ask me where I'm going! You'll find out soon enough!"
"I'm going to the store. When I come back, you'd better not be here."
"I'm going to the store. Would you like me to bring you something?"
"I'm going to the store. Don't ask me for nothing 'cause I'm broke."
"I'm a-holler at the Koreans. Don't worry. I'll bust you with a 40."
"I'm going up the block. You want something."
I'm hitting the store before it closes. You want something?"
I'm going to the store. What d'ya want? Make it snappy."