Department of Fun Management

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FUNis a CLASS 1-A CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE

FUN is an invisible, odorless and immaterial goo. immaterial meaning we cannot measure it, so we don't know how much there is.

Now given that we don't know how much there is; we can do one of two things, we can either
A. continue having fun as if there is enough to go around for everyone.
or
B. we can ration fun, conserve it in the event that it is a finite resource so that when we do run out, it will be a long time from now.

Q: If you can't measure it, how are you able to regulate and conserve it?
A: It is true we can not measure fun but we can measure its consumption. when people are having fun they give off tell-tale signs, such as smiling or laughing.
Here you can see this chart when someone is engaged in a full-smile that is said that the person is having 1 oodle of fun every minute. Every member of the fun police have memorized this picture and can identify the rate of fun-having.

fun comes in units called "oodles" each person is permitted to have 4 oodles of fun per day. A person may save left over oodles for future consumption.

Further conservation efforts have been made by studying fun while performing certain activities, for instance a successful whoopi cushion prank can yield as much as 3 oodles of fun while a game of ping pong can take as much as 6. This is why there are enclosed a set of instructions as to how to use these items with lowest fun consumption. For example suppose you want to prank a room mate by putting shaving cream on his hand and tickling him with a feather on the nose and forehead. With these instructions, a person will instead wake up the person and instruct him that he is about to be pranked so that he expects it, removing the fun from the activity.

With ping-pong all you have to do is not care about the game and not try.

Everyone is given a fun ledger where they are to document the amount of fun consumption per day, usually people plan their smiles with one another.

Q: Does everyone follow the rules?
A: If they did we wouldn't have a job *laughs * documents in a ledger* There is a community of people known as the Funderground, they comprise of comedians, class-clowns, real clowns and other fun-havers.

There was a story of a man who saved up 600 oodles of fun he was going to go on vacation with his family and share it, when all of a sudden he was attacked, he was tickled for 40 minutes, by the time he was done he had had over 800 oodles of fun. He had to pay off his fun debt by performing menial frustrating jobs.

I love it! That's one of the funniest things I've ever read. Did you write it?

remember, if you are having too much fun, you are probably committing a crime

First you have to do scientific tests to calibrate your measurement units.


We all know that the gold standard for fun is "a barrel of monkeys".

So what needs to be done is for a team of psychologists to take several hundred random subjects in turn - placing them into an enclosed room, placing electrodes into their heads, and then forcing them to watch video tapes of overturned barrels containing live monkeys. Then observe, tape, and monitor (and maybe even CAT scan), each subject as they watch the taped barrels of monkeys.


They can then average out the reactions of the hundreds of subjects and create a statistical quantity. You might use the word 'oodles', but I prefer BOM units ( barrel of monkey units) to quantify exactly how fun any person is having at any given time.