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Saladface
Butterfly
Butterfly

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Joined: 28 Apr 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 12
Location: East Texas

11 Nov 2013, 2:01 am

This is actually my first attempt at poetry or any kind of creative writing in three years.

Another twilight gathering, a familiar agenda,
My queen in all her splendor.
Radiant hazel eyes, frozen with purpose,
Silken robes buckle, crashing upon the floor.
Only the moon’s tender kiss draping her satin flesh,
Body bare for God and the world.
More exposed than flesh, her soul,
Between her bosom a more beautiful form.
A naked heart, emotions flowing free
Like blood, the mind’s serrated blade
Gouging, twisting deep,
Leaving wounds immeasurable
And letting secrets run cold.
Rose petals tumble down, the radio blares,
Her body drifts forward, hips swaying violently to the rhythm,
A sweet summer love, the vibe she projects.
Embrace so soft, her warmth so overwhelming,
Yet the chill in her soul obscures the sun.
A wintery romance, lips cold and delicate,
My emotions rushing out into the snow
Caused by a hail of bullets to the psyche.
I kneel before my queen, blindfolded by love,
Her gun to the back of my head.

This is not something I would normally share with a huge audience because the meaning behind it is deeply personal for me. But I want to get some feedback on it.



staremaster
Veteran
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Joined: 2 Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,628
Location: New York

13 Nov 2013, 9:01 am

Its too exciting, it needs some kind of "filler" IMHO.