Playing in bands

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Hey guys.

Anyone here play music in bands? My friend and I are thinking of putting one together and hiring other musicians, but I've had some issues in bands before as a hired fill in person. Usually as a keyboardist, 2nd guitar or backup singer. It's more of the social issue than one of actually playing. Once a band I was in, I really didn't fit in with socially and the lead guitarist who was egotistical, was trying to get me to take more "selfies" and put them online because he wanted to be a "celebrity". All this b.s. was stuff I thought I had to do until I realized that I was making less than $100 per performance.

Also people in the 'scene' feel free to critique the way I dress esp trying to get me to wear my hair down (sensory issues preclude that) or skimpier clothes. I think that's a gender stereotype because the 'scene' is mostly male. The long hair rock and roll cliche is b.s. in my opinion. Needless to say I hightailed it out of there and quit bands for many years except to accompany university students at recitals. Now, I had no issue playing in actual band in late high school ages ago because people were of the same mindset as myself, but this rock / pop thing is a different ballgame.

What are your experiences with this kind of stuff? Is the 'scene' too packed with NTs, unprofessional types, mean people like "Mean Girls style" and other weirdos for you to really get along with anyone for this? At least I am not a heavy metal player, there is actually a death metal "fraternity" around here that makes you get initiated and crap and they 'control the scene'. I'm holding on to the vocalist and lead guitarist I have now because they are used to the person I am.

It's like when we move on to other bands it's just so awkward trying to find one whose culture you fit with and whose genre you like. I don't like dealing with that and it seems that people that play or listen to a lot of rock tend to not... really click with my personality because I am a very serious person. Like I was peer pressured into smoking weed, an experience I did not enjoy. How do you guys get around it or find people with the right mental attitude?

I used to play in bands, but there is not much call for a person who can handle piano, clarinet, and violin while simultaneously running the sound board ... especially one who looks like Gargamel's father.