Aspergers & Savant Syndrome

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So I'm 44 and have felt extremely outside and different my entire life. I can't believe it took this long to be diagnosed. I am an art professor at a University and have been working here for just a year and a half. The reason I was diagnosed with aspergers? I guess I don't know why but I struggle to even talk about it. Typing is much easier. I have forever had "abilities" that set me dramatically apart from others. After getting here I was so busy that I stopped sculpting. There was so much paperwork, shop work etc, there always has been. Something started happening. It was like this "ability" I had let out my whole life (secretly as possible) began to misbehave when I tried to cork it up. There was nothing I could do about it. I stopped being able to have interpersonal relationships, which of course were hard enough for me to have in the first place. The professionals first saw the obvious Savant Syndrome when I went in to see them. Within 5 minutes of the first visit I guess it was obvious. I had no idea that's what all that information I had was. All my art, everything I am is a product of this Aspergers Syndrome. It didn't take long before they saw that too. I suppose I was high enough functioning that I hid it well and no one noticed. Of course now I realize why my family has moved 15 times in the 22 years I have been married. Though I have a PhD level degree I cant keep a job to save my life. My family has been ridiculously supportive believing in me all this time. I have taught at 5 different colleges all with the same outcome. I just cant do the busywork and I am perceived as lazy or uncaring or irresponsible. I realize now why the failure. I thought I would be able to eventually "push the right button" or "flip the right switch" and I would eventually get it. After all if I whizzed through college (I should have just gone to college and skipped the entire destructive secondary ed thing) why would I not buzz great out of college the same way? After much thought I am now quitting my six figure job because it is making me extremely sick and very unhappy. The school has been very kind and has allowed me out of contract and given me time to get my affairs in order. I am moving back west and buying a plot of land. I'm going to be a sculptor. What I should have been all along. Anyone done this before? I'm quite nervous. My art is......complicated and involves lots of machinery and moving parts. No math, no measuring. I just know where everything goes measurements and all. Don't know how. Its just in my head. While others were making smaller pieces of art and doing moderately sized shows I built a roller-coaster for bowling balls, 50 ft long 20 ft wide and over two stories high called the "Bowler Coaster". The obsessive part of the Savant thing I suppose. The only problem I am having is, everyone including my counselors are excited about the Savant part and for me its just been the source of every nightmare I have ever had. When I was young everyone wanted to be different. Being different to me was being different than what I was and that meant being the same so I could be accepted. I am happy though. I have a loving family and am very blessed. I am just in the dark about making this jump, and yea the university is willing to accommodate some of my "differences" but I truly have to be able to do at least some parts well enough to be of use and I'm not. Let me know if you know anything. Thanks

Changing where you live, and moving around doesn't change you. You're still you. You're not just different, you're crealtive. Be creative. If your job is too much for you to handle, and you are some genius professor with a 6 figure job, get a bunch of cronie teachers pets to do all the junk to free up your mind for you. Do a little classroom fun stuff, target the little suckups to do the rest, and find a hole to hide in with all your stuff to geek out on. If people think you are not doing enough, tell them to suck it up, and give you an intern secretary something or another. Obviously, society is not in your favor, and you probably do not need straightening out. Others need to bend for you. After all, you are the genius professor, with a gift, not many of them. And please, forgive me for being me.

It is suprising it took soo long to figure out who you are with all those "smart" people around you all the time. No one can figure me out either, but I'm just a commoner.

Sir you rock! Ain't nothen wrong with you being you. It would be kind of odd of me to judge anyone right now. Actually I truly appriciate it. I know going somewhere else wont change me and I always will be the same person. I am the same person I was before the diagnosis. Im actually not running away from myself though. I have been running and denying who I am now for decades. I dont mind teaching and I love sculpting but every meeting & piece of paper is painful. I always thought this is what I needed to be sucessful. I see now where my true power lies. Now that I know what it is. I intend to bring autism awareness to the world and nothing will stop me. Im not gonna just be any sculptor. You watch, Im gonna blow socks off. I do deeply appriciate your kind words. I really did need encouragement. Thanks

I did not get diagnosed until last year at age 55. For most middle aged people we grew up at a time when there was little or no knowledge. When we were older and the knowledge came to be, we were were so busy just trying to muddle through each day to notice.

It is great you have a supportive family, as you will see many here do not. As for others not noticing they are nuerotypicals in a world where 98% of the population is similar to them so they assume everybody is like them and if you masked yourself well enough they have had no reason to think you are fundamentally different .

One thing that is frustrating for us and that the outside world just does not understand, despite that you are savant in one area you stink at other things. That is what Aspergers is all about.

Can't wait to see your advocacy in action.

What you say is true. I have always said that "everyone is normal. Its when your normal and my normal get together that things get weird."
Good luck.