What do you guys think of my romantic poem?

Post Reply New Topic

Let me explain one of the verses: Me and this person can't date because we're Muslim.
Can’t you see that I’m all soft for you?
Can’t you see how much you make me want you?
I love you with every ounce of my desire
I just wanna hold you, both in my heart and in my arms
I wanna hold you and protect you and never let go
While you feed my heart with your care
I see you and blush, if only you could see
I dream and dream and wish it was real
Oh well I say, I could wait till its time
Though upset we can’t date, for we are still youth
For now I want to be friends
And if we can in the future, that would be swell
If it will be, it is
You have changed how I see
You make me feel weak, driven by my longing
A man is not used to thinking with emotion
But you make me forget my fancy textbook
That says to think with no bias
I long to be friends with you, more than anything in this world
I wish to give you my heart, and look into yours
And breathe a whisper of comfort
That we can protect each other forever
As garments, as one
You are my one and only
What I feel for you is my special invitation
That no one can take away
Except you
If you say no
It would really hurt
For now, I won’t worry
I only want to dream and dream
Love you and love you
Give you my life
Give you my breath
And feed you from my loving hands
And all I want is your love
My darling
My sweetheart
My ___________.

No metre.
No rhyme.
Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling OK.
Content & Continuity OK.
Imagery OK.

I give it a 75/100.

What does a 75% mean? Is it good, bad, okay? Oh and when I said " If we can in the future, that would be swell." I meant to say "If we can date in the future, that would be swell."

I am a published poet and to the person who commented that it has no rhyme or meter, poetry does not have to have that unless it's written in a specific format that has specific rules for rhyme and meter eg a sonnet. The idea that poetry must rhyme is very archaic and old fashioned. In fact many contemporary poets are annoyed by rhyme.

Back to the poem and the poet: I think it's beautiful and heartfelt. There is some good imagery in it. I would just go back and tighten up any place where you tell instead of show your love with imagery. Cut anything non essential to the emotion. I think it's a good poem and well done overall.

1) This is seems to be free verse, so it doesn't have to rhyme.
2) I like it.

I need ask you why you can't date because being Muslim. If you feel this way about someone, it seems an injustice to me to be prohibited from taking such a person, especially if the feeling is mutual. could you explain this to me please will?

Free verse has been around for years. Walt Whitman, one of our greatest poets, indulged in it. So did Emily Dickinson.

I like the poem; it's sincere; it reads like song lyrics. Remember: Bob Dylan was able to harmoniously combine the arts of poetry and songwriting--quite a feat, in my opinion.

Awh that's so sweet. Really sincere. I feel honored that you would share that with us.