I read the first two chapters.
First chapter seems awfully generic and thus isn?t that engaging. The toilet humor seems misplaced as well specifically for the beginning it is extremely overused. It also feels like you need more of a prologue and depth for the main characters. I?m personally more interested in them than their parents.
Second was hard to follow although I did cheer the masked revolvers death. Definitely a missed opportunity to bring out in-depth character emotion here and it really disjoints me from the story because I have no idea what they?re feeling specifically Belle and thus no way to connect. The fight and school also needed some more description so as to understand what was going on.
This?d also be just my own personal flare but if you?re going to take schoolkids hostage for ransom then mine it for comedy because it?s a good setting. The villains had a real opportunity to be hilarious here you even have the cliché stupid policeman you can get good comedy from this scene which is the primary point. Comedy isn?t needed for the plot but it?s needed to engage the reader unless the reader connects to the characters with emotion which is hard considering the extreme time skips you take so comedy is really important to engage. At least for this chapter.
Praise. I like Belle getting the gun, I like the guns history, I like the chapters villain dying it just seemed appropriate. And the shared tree is always cute. Although all their interactions were really rushed and forced in the first chapter.
All in all decent start.
08 Sep 2014, 10:04 pm
