Shadow Demons: THe Beginning, AKA my book

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I just thought you guys might want to read it, if so here it is
Shadow Demons I: The Beginning

Prologue
Shadow Glared at Darkon as he raised his staff, high above his head with a maniacal grin hiding just beneath his death mask, he then swung it down, the head of the staff lit up and a bolt of blue light shot out at Shadow, who quickly deflected it with a swish of his wrist guards, “Hah!, Up to your old tricks again Darkon” Shadow roared at Darkon, Who quickly leapt at Shadow, his staff raised to attack, “Well this one’s new, you fool!” Darkon spat back as he swiped Shadow around the face, knocking him to the ground with a single hit, “Shadow, you may have been my apprentice once, but now you are my sworn enemy, you allied with the people you killed you fool” Darkon shouted at him angrily, “You do not understand compassion, do you Darkon, I shed blood wrongly, but its you who will pay!! !” Shadow roared, about to strike, but before I go further, allow me to explain…….

At the Dawn of time, Darkon, the leader of the Magi became corrupt with the visions of his own greatness, so he pleaded to Necross, the God of Death, Chaos and Evil and sold his soul to gain power. Once a kind man, he was now corrupt, wearing a skeletal death mask, a crown of suffering, a cloak of chaos and finally, two gifts from Necross himself, the Staff of Apocalypse, a weapon of pure power, able to kill instantaneously and a more…..valuable gift, Shadow, who was to be the apprentice of Darkon. Shadow was then but a bulky warrior carrying the twin blades of his father, Necross, given to him to fight off attackers, but Darkon had better ideas….

Within the first day of receiving Shadow, he sent him to end the order of Magi, so that he had no major opponents, other than a united battle force of all races, but that would not happen in Darkon’s eyes, as there were too many enemies between the races, but he would turn out to be wrong. Shadow was immune to the magic of the wizards, and so could easily slaughter each and every one of them and he rejoiced in there deaths, their pain and their suffering, He stuck them like barn animals, for they could not defend themselves, but when he’d finished, too late was it to realize how wrong he was. Darkon crept up behind him and patted him on the shoulder and with a grin he laughed and said, “Don’t worry, they deserved it!”, even though they had once been his friends. Darkon made Shadow do things like this for a very long time until he received a note, a scrunched up ball of paper to be precise, Darkon threw it away but Shadow cautiously read it, making sure Darkon was not near, the note read, “Darkon, this time you have gone too far, we of the council of races have united against you, Dacarius, Lord of Liches, Antomariun, Queen of the vampires, Narcrozz, Lord of the Dragons, Cronius, Lord of the werewolves and I Armadarus, Lord of the Ancients. We will destroy you once and for all, we gather our armies as you read this, with each day that passes, your annihilation grows closer, Sincerely Armadarus”, Then Shadow did something that Darkon didn’t even ask for, he set out to save his master, as in someway the note insulted him, angered him even, for what he was about to do, would change the face of the planet………

Shadow’s first target, Dacarius, was a very powerful sorcerer, but Shadow had a plan, Shadow had learned some magic of his own from Darkon’s spell book, a powerful spell, the Dark Energy Ball Attack, a shot of pure energy in the shape of a sphere, with the equivalent power of a star, all though, not as big obviously. Dacarius’s fortress was in the mountains were he lived with his son, a half lich, still human, but very powerful, to get to the fortress he would have to use the underground mines, known as the dead lands, with a reputation of being filled with the dead, either way, Shadow didn’t encounter any as he sped through their dark corridors to gave upon a sight you would never see today, a black stone fortress, with lightning clouds abundant in the sky above, towers making shadows upon the dry, dusty earth, Shadow crept silently to the gate knowing that the Lich King would not be felled easily……..

As he opened the creaky iron gate, he looked on into the corridors before him, each one dark and ruined, with only torches for light, and that just made them more eerie, as he crept through them he started to here chanting, it was coming from a staircase to Dacarius’s own chambers, he heard voices behind him so quickly ran into it. When he reached the top he saw Dacarius standing there, his skeletal form hidden by his hood and cloak, and he was chanting, “Dancaron Enium Destroyoem Godith Attarion” which is ancient Lich, meaning, “May the gods destroy and annihilate my enemies”, he hadn’t finished, but Shadow was right to end it, its target was Darkon, and it would utterly destroy him, so Shadow stopped him. Shadow charged at him and plunged his blades into his back, before kicking him forward, then as he tuned around, Shadow pummeled his face with his bare knuckles, before Dacarius grabbed his fists then said, “Shadow, please, you must understand, I must kill him, or we are all doomed!”, “You mean you are!” Shadow spat back before head butting him, “Then I will have to kill you!” The lich said as he pulled out a massive war scythe from the ether, he then swung it a few times before striking true, he had decapitated Shadow, blood sprang out for a few seconds before his lifeless body toppled to the ground with a thud, “Phew!, Now back to work…..” Dacarius said to himself, at least he thought it was to himself…….

As he got back to his work, he heard a noise behind him and as he turned he was greeted with a shock, standing there as broad as daylight was Shadow, at least his body, it grabbed Dacarius by his neck before throwing him out onto the battlements, as he sat their in the rain he stared back in at Shadow how had by then picked his head up and placed it upon his shoulders, an evil grin set upon his dark features, then as he walked out he spun Dacarius around pulled out the swords and was about to kick him off when he said something, “You may kill me, if that is your wish, but Darkon has been manipulating you to his corrupt will, making you kill servants of the gods just as you are…” Dacarius said, but like Shadow cared he pushed him off and with his last bit off strength, he grabbed Shadow’s neck holding on for life, with anger Shadow cut Dacarius’s wrist’s off sending him to the ground below, Shadow leapt after him creating cracks in the ground were he landed, then as his last act of evil, he sliced of Dacarius’s head, before throwing it up to the battlements for his son to see, then as walked off, he heard a roar of sadness and anger from the battlements, proving the head did its job………

His next few targets were more tricky, the Dragon and Werewolf would not arrive at the battle anyway, only their weaker warriors, but vampires take great pride in the pain they inflict on the battlefield as each strike is deadly yet delicate, the vampire’s fortress was easy to find, it was not in the mountains, but on the planes of Ancarius, which is now deep under the sea, an ancient and historical monument showing the craftsmanship of the vamps. As Shadow approached he was ambushed and captured, being taken to the Queen herself. “So Shadow, what business do you have with us vampires” The beautiful Queen asked Shadow, “I’m here to kill you!” Shadow roared in anger, but he went calm as he saw Crystallis, the beautiful heiress of the Queen, she had long flowing blond hair, with shining eyes and a long white dress, she then spoke, “Mother, who is this man!” She asked as she glared at Shadow, who just stood their staring back at her, finally he realized that Darkon had kept the truth from his grasp, “I’m sorry I need to go, now!” Shadow shouted as he broke the chains preventing him from using his hands, as he was walking out Crystallis called out, “Shadow, catch!” As she threw him an oddly shaped gauntlet, “It’s called Blaed Naruz, meaning twin blades of death!, now I hope you win!” She said before blowing him a kiss as he walked away. When he arrived at Darkon’s Fort, he came out to greet him, “Shadow……..What’s wrong” Darkon asked, puzzled, “You made me kill those who would be kind to me - Shadow, you don’t understand I…. - You what!, you had no reason to make me kill them, Crystallis showed me you need to die - No! that b***h enticed you with her looks, she can’t help you! - And you can!, no I doubt it, my father sent me to destroy you and I will!” Shadow roared as he leapt at Darkon who quickly teleported out of the way, “Shadow, your so called friends will die soon, I’m going just to watch their pain, I have made and army of pure death, my maulers will destroy all!, and just to show you here’s one to kill you!” Darkon roared as he disappeared, “Hey little man, you up for a scrap!” Shadow heard a voice behind him say, as he turned he was shocked to find a twelve foot, horned, red skinned giant, also know as a mauler, “You big hunk of s**t!” Shadow roared as leap at its face, which was a big mistake, the creature grabbed Shadow and held him to its face and then said, “Yummy Yummy!” As it opened its mouth, ready to swallow him whole, “Nighty night, fatty!” As Shadow jabbed the wrist blades into its eyes, tearing them out with a pop and a squelch, it loosened its grip, allowing Shadow to leap from its grip to the ground, its eyes still skewered on the blades, Shadow stiffed them, then gulped them down one by one, “Mmmm…..That’s quite good!” Shadow said to himself as the monster staggered, clutching its sockets, “Sorry mate, but off with your head!” Shadow shouted once again as he leapt forward, slicing its brains from its body, taking it to the floor with a loud shudder, “Umm…..Have I caught you at a bad time?” Shadow heard another voice this time, and when he turned it was a man, a vampire to be more precise…….

The vampire stood there with a peculiar look upon his face, almost waiting for an answer, “Not the talkative type are you my friend, I know you like my sister so I’ll help you, she told me to find you and help you get the emerald of Necross, it’ll give you the strength to kill Darkon and end him once and for all, then you can live with us in our fort, ok?” The vampire said, “Look, I don’t love her, I just….” Shadow replied quickly, “Don’t worry, by the way, the name’s Drac, it’s a shortened version of Dracula, but that’s not important, so come with me now, we don’t have time for this!” Drac interrupted, before running at speed towards Darkon’s fort, as it was in his personal study. When they got closer to the study, Drac said he would wait outside, cautious of the wizards dark fort, as he ascended the stairs he saw it, shimmering with power, drawing all light in around, “Whoa! that’s incredible!” Shadow said as he pulled it from atop its pedestal, a rumbling then followed, the fort was collapsing, Shadow then heard Drac roar, “Shadow!, get out you need to run, everything’s collapsing!” Drac roared up to Shadow, who quickly jumped to the ground and ran to the exit, just before the building caved in, “Damn!, that was so close!” Shadow roared, nearly out of breath because of the speed he used to escape from the fort. “Ok, now the battle is starting soon, we got to get there soon!” Drac said to Shadow, who immediately began walking off away from the fort, “Hey Shad……” He heard Drac say, before hearing the sound of bones cracking and the squelch and tear of flesh, when he turned he saw Drac just frozen on the spot, “Drac, are you ok?” He said before seeing the end of Darkon’s staff poke through, lifting him into the then tossing him aside, he was paralyzed, dying slowly of his gaping wounds, he then heard Darkon say “Hey Shadow, better run traitor!”, Shadow started running immediately, sorry that he had to leave Drac behind, until the emerald fell to the floor and he stopped in his tracks, “Shadow, you shouldn’t litter on my property!” Darkon roared as he jumped for the gem, but Shadow caught it, he then placed it over his chest and immediately it sank in, sending him to the floor in pain, “It was for me you fool!, now it will kill you!” Darkon laughed maniacally, but to his misfortune the gem fused into Shadow, making him far stronger than Darkon himself could comprehend!. When Shadow stood up, his eyes had turned as black as night, his veins had risen, and they had filled with dark energy, turning them dark too, then when he spoke, his voice was amplified with the power he had gained “Darkon, you are but a mortal in my eyes, I am the son of a god, you are but a fool, now, prepare for your destruction, at my hands!” Shadow roared, he flew at Darkon with tremendous force, his fist raised to strike, then before he could attack, Darkon had disappeared, probably to the battle, but as Shadow began to walk, he heard a voice he didn’t think he would hear again, “Shadow…….Help my sister and take care of her…….I trust you!” Drac said, in his last breath, before he closed his eyes and went, “I will avenge you, my friend!” Shadow said to himself clenching his fist in anger, “Darkon will suffer……Darkon will die!”………….

When Shadow reached the battle, he was still psyched and ready, he saw Crystallis, but this time she didn’t calm him, “Shadow, what’s wrong?” she asked, puzzled, “Drac is dead, Darkon killed him, but don’t worry, I’ll destroy him for what he’s done!” Shadow roared, as he saw a tear fall from her beautiful eyes, “So, are you ready then?” she asked again, “Yeah, lets kill this freak, Oh and by the way, I might not see you again so….” He started to say but she grabbed him and kissed him, “Does that help?” she laughed at him, he just smiled back, “My friends!, this is it, the end of the world as we know it, time to kill Darkon, once and for all!” Shadow heard a man call out to rally the troops who instantly roared back, “Yaarhhhhh!”
In excitement, the man who rallied them was none other than Armadarus, Lord of the Ancients, “Shadow!, where is the werewolf and his men?” He roared, “I didn’t kill them if that’s what you mean!” Shadow roared back, angrily, as Armadarus got closer he apologized and said, “Blasted werewolf, I curse him and his family to hell for eternity, even the dragon Narcrozz sent his men, I suppose we’ve got you though” He said politely, but just then a roar came as a huge wave of maulers charged the battle lines, A war cry followed as the men, dragons and ancients charged in at them fight slicing and slashing away, “Ok babe, I got to go now” Crystallis said to Shadow before kissing him on the cheek, “Vampires, charge!” She roared as the vampires swept in, spreading death like a plague, “Shadow, for what you did to my father, you will pay, unless you help us kill Darkon, then, I am in your debt” Shadow suddenly heard a voice behind him say, he turned quickly and saw that it was Dacarion, the son of Dacarius, “I am sorry for what I’ve done, but I will try to stop Darkon” Shadow said with a smile, Dacarion nodded, and both of them turned their attention to the battle lines, then in but a glimpse, Shadow saw Darkon smiling at him, he knew this was it the very end……

He charged in leaping from mauler to mauler, watching all of the death happening everywhere, as he kept leaping he saw Crystallis mirroring him about five metres away, she was jumping them too, he guessed she wanted to kill Darkon with him, eventually they reached a clearing, they hopped to the ground, ready to fight, “Darkon, I’ll kill for all you’ve done!” Shadow roared, his power bulging, “Look Shadow, I’ll kill you and your little b***h!” Darkon roared as he swung his staff, its head lit up and a bolt of lightning shot out, but Crystallis leapt in the way, killing her instantly, Shadow caught her lifeless corpse in his arms, and he began to cry, not noisy crying, just the tears, leaking down his face, he put her body aside, kissed her on the forehead and stood back up, “Darkon!, I’ll….kill……you!” Shadow roared as his power grew, his true power had once again been cast into the fray!

Shadow Glared at Darkon as he raised his staff, high above his head with maniacal grin hiding just beneath his death mask, he then swung it down, the head of the staff lit up and a bolt of blue light shot out at Shadow, who quickly deflected it with a swish of his wrist guards, “Hah!, Up to your old tricks again Darkon” Shadow roared at Darkon, Who quickly leapt at Shadow, his staff raised to attack, “Well this one’s new, you fool!” Darkon spat back as he swiped Shadow around the face, knocking him to the ground with a single hit, “Shadow, you may have been my apprentice once, but now you are my sworn enemy, you allied with the people you killed you fool” Darkon shouted at him angrily, “You do not understand compassion, do you Darkon, I shed blood wrongly, but its you who will pay!! !” Shadow roared as he leapt at Darkon striking him directly in his face with his knee, he then kicked him to the floor, “Goodbye Darkon, I will annihilate you!” Shadow roared as a ball of dark energy appeared in his hand as he shouted “Shadow Ball attack!”, the ball flew at Darkon tearing off his left arm below the elbow, “Oh great Gods give me one more chance, save all my friends, take my life if you must, but let me just kill Darkon!! !” Shadow roared as his power grew tremendously, his skin peeled off and turned to dust, all that was left was his skeleton, red eyes still glowing in their sockets and a white bone dagger now clutched in his left hand and the gem embedded in his skeletal chest, “I now know what I must do I will break the gem, and this world will be sparred of your tyranny, goodbye Darkon!! !” Shadow roared as he flew forward, grabbed Darkon by his neck, lifted him above his head, and plunged the dagger into the gem, cracking it forever, until it was united with him once more. When it was destroyed, a huge shock wave of white light shot out of the gem, a wave of life, bringing all those that had fallen back from the dead at the cost of Shadow’s soul. When it had ended, all that was left was Shadow, standing there, before he turned and smiled saying, “Please, all of you that fought and died together, to stop Darkon, please let Armadarus seal you into the realm of the ancients, so that it’ll break when and if Darkon returns, oh and Crystallis, I Love You…..” Shadow tried to say, but he began to disintegrate and slowly wash away. After that Armadarus, the last of the ancients sent all of those who had died and been brought back away, other than Crystallis and Drac, as well as the dragons who were free to roam, but something had changed, the warriors who fought, were no longer normal, they were demonic and as for the werewolves, the were changed too…..

Anyway back too modern day, somewhere in the middle of the ocean, a team of divers were searching an old cave system, when they found a seal, an ancient seal. “Hey I think I found something down here” One of the divers reported back through the radio, “Ok keep searching, I got a feeling there’s something down there!” The man on the boat replied, “But this is like some kind of seal, it reads Armadarus Kandarion Destroyoem Exactite, It means Armadarus Placed this seal to prevent the demons from destroying earth” The diver replied back, “Ok open it, now!” The man said, “Ok sir, open it guys……there’s a light……and a weird noise…..s**t what was that…….arrrrgghhhh” The man roared through the radio, “Hey, Hey…..Hey!! !!”……………

Please give me some feedback on it, and i can post Chapter one if you want

Hello,

I am not the only Aspie that wants to be a writer.

Honestly, your story has so many plot points I got lost and confused.

It started out so quickly that it took a while just to figure out WTF was going on. Maybe a little more charachter development and a little more dialogue would help.

Edit, Edit, Edit.

I always heard a writer writes, and you are, so keep on!

Good Luck in your endeavors.

crazedchef

This is just the prologue, so most of these characters appear later or die soon after, but thanks for the feedback and it isnt a final, son i will edit lots