A Rant about Writing and Suggestions

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This got really long. I did break the text into smaller paragraphs, so it might be shorter than it looks...Maybe.

The only class at school I enjoy is creative writing. I have it first period, so I get a pleasant start in the morning. There are ten students in my class, and we're all female. Though I love my classmates to death, my interests and perspective don't usually line up with other girls'. (I'm the only one who has no interest in reading or writing romance, which is a common story genre in a writing class full of girls. I also seem to be the only one who abhors sites like Tumblr and Buzzfeed. Make of that what you will.)

One theme that's been popping up through my classmates' stories is feminism. I'm not a feminist. I'm not an anti-feminist. I have issues with both movements, and I struggle to slap on a label that doesn't fit me properly. I do believe that everyone should have equal rights, and I acknowledge the that even today, the remnants of misogyny are trickling through society. I understand why writers—including two of my classmates—feel the need to write about strong female characters fighting against oppression. My problem is this:

They're not doing it in an effective way.

*I am changing their names for privacy reasons.

Over the previous grading period, Beth* authored a story about an ingenious girl who struggled against misogyny while competes to be the first female captain on a star-ship. This discrimination was presented in the form of a male classmate, who sabotages her and makes sexist remarks.

I don't doubt that there are people who would do this. However, in Beth's determination to create a chauvinist antagonist, she created an unrealistic—almost cartoonish—villain.

At times, I felt as if there was a giant arrow pointing at him while flashing the words, "Look how sexist he is! Be offended!" In one instance, he expressed smug surprise when the protagonist selected meat for her meal, stating that he "thought women only ate salads." (Would anyone actually say this? You tell me, because I have doubts.) Beth, from the narrator's point of view, felt the need to point out this "blatant sexism." Yes, it is blatant sexism, but because it's blatant, you don't need to point it out. You've already shown it!

Because this story takes place on a star-ship, which carries the descendants of the last inhabitants of Earth, so obviously there's going to be some emphasis on the importance of reproduction. The protagonist learns that a previous [male] captain had passed a law requiring that every woman on the ship, excluding those ranked 'Major' or higher, to have children by a certain age.

I see two issues with this. For one thing, I doubt a law like this would get passed. At least not without due opposition. Second of all, the protagonist is only just now finding this out? She had no idea that in a few years, should she fail to attain the 'Captain' status, she would be required to have children? When this 'surprise' is revealed, she's rightfully outraged, asserting that the law is ridiculous. I feel as if the purpose of this reveal is to encourage the reader to echo the character's thoughts. It's as if the reader is expected to take cues from the protagonist to determine when to get offended at something. "Isn't this messed up? This is the part where you get angry!"

Later on in the story, the protagonist secures her position at the top of the captain-training class after making a perfect score on the final exam. Having missed only one question, the misogynist miscreant ranks second, and they both become finalists. He becomes to enraged by this that he attempts to rape her, but she manages to escape.

In the final scene, the retiring captain presents the finalists with a problem and asks them to find a solution. The protagonist uses her intellect to devise the perfect plan, earning her the position as the new captain. This is where the worst happens.

For some reason—perhaps a mix of blind rage, stupidity, and convenience to the plot—the antagonist yells, right in front of the former captain, "I should have raped you when I had the chance!"

Who. Says. This?

This sounds like it came straight out of a cartoon, with the villain randomly confessing to a crime for no apparent reason. This was the first thing I thought of after reading that line.

If I remember correctly, he then tries to grab the protagonist, and then the captain immediately proclaims that he will be kicked off the ship. Yay, happy ending. Only it read like the ending to a feminist fan fiction. ('Fan fiction' is pretty much synonymous with 'bad'.)

Why didn't I enjoy this empowering story about a woman slapping oppression in the face and achieving success? Because it wasn't very empowering.

Beth spent so much time an energy establishing the oppressive society, that the piece didn't read like a story of a feminist breaking out of the restrictive mold cast by a dystopian society. It read like heavy-handed propaganda. Instead of building an evil society to boost the protagonist up to look like a saint (she did act innocent and oblivious throughout the story; you'd think a genius would catch on that the sexist pig is the one who sabotaged her), why not put more emphasis on her own strengths? That's what I consider empowering.

This grading period, Carly* is writing a pro-feminist story that centers around a rebellious girl born into a strict and oppressive society. Some of the things I observed in Beth's story are beginning to pop up in Carly's. The society in Carly's story has actually contradicted itself; everyone is forced to wear the same clothes and haircut based on gender, and everyone has the same material possessions so no one will appear inferior. The main character points this out and even provides a nice explanation. Okay, so this is one of those crazily strict societies that's obsessed with keeping everyone the same. Got it...But then she introduced things such as the parading of young women before young men, who each selected a bride in the same that you'd select your prize from a cake walk, and the archaic (in this country, I mean) idea that women are inferior to their husbands and need permission to speak.

Carly has promised to include a recap of the society's history in her story. I eagerly await this, since I can think of no plausible way the United States would eventually regress that far.

If you are writing a pro-feminist story, great. I'm not saying you shouldn't include satirical commentary on the flaws in today's society. But when you exaggerate the society to the point where it becomes an unrealistic caricature of the perceived patriarchy, I find it difficult to enjoy your story—and to take it seriously.

Suggestions to make a feminist story more effective/TL;DR:

—When writing in characters with values that differ from yours, it's easy to turn them into clownish caricatures. Even if you think the antagonist is a disgusting human being, try to understand why someone might behave they way he or she does. Were they raised a certain way? Did a past experience cause them to believe a certain way? Do they have a neurotic disorder that might influence their thinking? How? If you make your characters realistic—even the villains—your story will be more believable and effective. (Also, avoid having him or her yell, "I should have raped you when I had the chance!" at the most convenient time for the plot. Especially if he or she is supposed to be a clever character.)
—Don't write a story just to push an agenda. You'll end up with a story that doesn't really work, and your agenda will collapse on top of it. If you want to address sexism, don't hit the reader over the head with it. You don't need to highlight every instance of sexism or emphasize the protagonist's victim status. Rather than telling the reader what's so messed up and why they should get angry, show them.
—Don't establish your protagonist as a strong character without actually showing some of these traits. Don't make him or her innocently clueless and unsuspecting, then clever when the plot calls for it. Give him or her flaws. Admirably strong, yet realistically imperfect characters are more effective than Mary-Sues/Gary-Stus ever will be.

I love having female warriors, huntresses, and other bad-ass heroines in my stories. Sex appeal and action-packed adventure make for a great combination that women and straight guys like me can both appreciate. However, I prefer to place those heroines in settings where female warriors, rulers, and so on are taken for granted instead of challenging the social norms. I expect female readers must be damn tired of female warriors who are forced to address sexism to justify their occupation, much as black people must be tired of Black History movies fixating on oppression and civil rights activism.

One story I wrote was about a society of huntresses whose idea of a Sweet Sixteen was slaying dinosaurs single-handedly. Let me link to it here:

Hunting For Womanhood

I haven't much to say about this, but many of the African Americans I've seen and interacted with are both proud of and heavily involved in their civil rights movements. If nothing else, I personally know people who have been racially profiled simply because they were black (and this is not in "high-tension" cities like Oakland, LA, or NY) - so it is definitely something they are worried about on a day-to-day basis. Then again, perhaps it's just the crew I sometimes hang out with - if you're involved in any form of politics, chances are you're going to be a lot more outspoken than the apathetic masses.

To OP: Have you considered giving 'Beth' these criticisms? (Of course, unless this is a college-level workshop, chances are you might end up making some enemies regardless of how you may express yourself.)

Obviously African-Americans have good reason to be proud of their civil rights movements, and I would never advocate erasing those movements, and the oppression they resisted, out of our history as if they never happened. There is a necessary place for movies like Twelve Years a Slave and Selma. But if you turn to fiction looking for an escape from the real world, I imagine you wouldn't want to keep being reminded of the alienation your people face today, nor the subordination their ancestors suffered. And when those narratives start dominating the public image of Black History, it can make black people look like one-dimensional subjects of pity, as if their history could all be boiled down to 500 years of slavery and servitude. Never mind that Africa was not only the birthplace of all Homo sapiens (modern humans), but had plenty of complex societies (e.g. Mali, Great Zimbabwe, Ethiopia, and of course Egypt and Nubia) before the Great Imperial Scourge after 1884. They're just as worthy for settings in fiction as medieval England or any other part of the world.

Dunno if there's a poll out there accurately representing how most African-Americans feel about this issue of their history's representation, but the actor Nick Cannon voices the same sentiments I have.

Nick Cannon Says He's Tired of Seeing Movies About Slaves

No disrespect to you - I'm against stereotypes personally - but when I think teen girls and tumblr, intelligence really isn't the first thing that comes to mind. If you've spent any amount of time reading fan fiction and short stories on the internet you'll know exactly why I say that. Feminism and dystopia are the two biggest bandwagons out there right now, so expect to see a whole lot of the two combined too, someone will read the hunger games and feel inspired to write their own story with their own experience.

It is class, after all, everyone started somewhere. It's not like any good author picked up a pen and wrote a great book their first try. Since it is a class, I assume the teacher lets you read the stories submitted by others and gives you the opportunity to critique them? Also, does it bother you more that it's inaccurate and exaggerated, or just a bad read?

I think a lot of people take into account the most extreme situations in society and tend to apply it to the culture as a whole. It's annoying but unfortunately common.

Yeahhh...'Beth' and 'Carly' are die-hard Tumblr feminists. Especially Beth. (I used to be on Tumblr just for gifs and pictures, but then I realized how obnoxious the people were and deleted my entire account.) And yes, it's a critiquing class. We bring in pages and everyone gives a written and oral critique. I have yet to say anything aloud because I know I'm alone in this. They're good writers, and the writing isn't exactly bad, it's just that the heavy-handed agenda is so glaring and obstructive, I find it difficult to enjoy the story.

In light of this, I couldn't agree more. Offhandedly, though, I wonder if a film like that might be poorly received anyway - even if manages to dodge so many of the culturally embedded stereotypes and pitfalls that a well-meaning director might otherwise fall into. Still, that's just idle conjecture.


Hmm. You could gently break it to them, but that's only if you really want to press the subject. I can see this going two ways: Either they'll hate you for life, or they'll thank you 20 years from now when their writing careers actually take off.

Or perhaps an anonymous written review? Would your teacher allow that?

Not sure how I would do this, and I think it's more trouble than it's worth. I doubt they'd understand what I'm trying to say. I did write Carly a note on one of her critiques. She said she would include the history of her dystopian society in the story to show how it got the way it did; I warned her to make the history in her story realistic, and to not make it sound like propaganda...She didn't really heed that advice. She hasn't introduced the history yet, but she's piled on so much unrealistic sexism, she's going to need a darn good explanation to justify it.

I honestly think the only thing I can really do is avoid this sort of thing in my own stories—to prove that you can write a decent story starring a strong female protagonist without dropping her into an evil patriarchal society, complete with cartoon villains. I'd like to see their reactions if I passive-aggressively mocked the trope in one of my own stories, but that probably isn't much better than what they're doing.

I just think that stories should be stories, not tacky propaganda.

Could probably draft something up and ask your teacher to hand it to them. But if you don't feel it's worth your time, it's no loss if you don't try it.

I'd say you're hardly alone when it comes to prioritizing story above agenda. Ted Kooser in The Poetry Home Repair Manual noted that you had to be smart - really smart - to be able to make some kind of sociopolitical statement in fiction (or poetry!) and still churn out a half-decent piece. (Give credit where it's due: Matthew Arnold was pretty friggin' smart.) Most of us aren't like that, so we just write about things that hit closer to home.

In any case, it's high school. Let them step into an advanced college workshop and see how long they last.

As a young, aspiring fiction writer myself, I prefer not to use my stories as a means of shoving social, political, or religious messages down the throats of the reader. It's part of the reason I shy away from reading the works of people like Heinlein and Ayn Rand. I am of the opinion that good storytelling should have a balance between what I call The Two E's: Enlightenment and Entertainment. You can have substance in your story, but at the same time, you have to hold the interest of the reader.

I'll use my current work in progress novel, Alphaboy, as an example. The hero, Sean Gillespie, is a high school freshman with superpowers who finds out that not only was he adopted, but that he is also part of an advanced subspecies of humanity. I could go the usual route and throw in a lot of melodrama about how he's an outsider because of his adoptee status, but considering the story is a superhero actioner, I don't really dwell on it much. His adoptive parents are loving, if odd; his father is a cynical, aging ex-Special Forces operative and his mother is sweet and nurturing, if somewhat doting ER nurse. What's the point of throwing in whining when there's no need for it?

I'm realizing a little too late that stories shouldn't reflect the author's personal beliefs and issues to an excessive amount. It comes off as almost masturbatory. As much as I think Redesigning Eva has potential to be a good horror-thriller, I hated writing the first draft because I found it to be ugly. When I finally finished it, I felt as though demons had been exorcised. It's virtually unreadable, sure, but at the very least, I have something to work with when the time comes to begin the second draft.

My advice? When you're writing, don't have such a stick up your rectum. Have fun!

That last bit was unexpected and unwarranted, but alright.

I really, really love this point. To quote Ernest Hemingway, "Being against evil doesn't make you good. Tonight I was against it and then I was evil myself. I could feel it coming just like a tide... I just want to destroy them. But when you start taking pleasure in it you are awfully close to the thing you're fighting." That's not meant to be commentary on feminism at all, just the story.

And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling kids!

And I thought my writing wasn't the best.

You should read the series A Song of Ice and Fire, you'd probably like them, especially the character Arya Stark.

I'm in a couple of critique circles, but I haven't seen this yet. I think the closest thing I saw was an elderly couple with the mother of all nagging wives where the husband kills her and is "free", which was kind of stereotypical and heavy-handed. I guess that's something to be glad for. I think people who are inexperienced at talking about social issues in writing tend to present their antagonists cartoonishly in general, as do people who are inexperienced with antagonists. Playing the devil's advocate for views you don't believe in, even if it's just in a story, is an acquired skill. Your frustration is understandable.

My ire with other writers generally boils down to, "Don't be a coward and a twat." Write if you say you care about writing, read if you say you care about learning, and speak if you care about your own voice. My pet peeve is people who love to write in all kinds of different genres... but have only written one short story and have never actually written in those genres even on their own hard drive. Along with people who love to read, but haven't put down the video games for a book in a year.