Does anyone know how I can approach this plot gap?

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ironpony
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16 Mar 2021, 4:12 pm

My story is a crime thriller set in modern times but there is something in the plot that I need to happen but I cannot figure out how it could happen at all, no matter how I rethink it.

In the plot, the villains a gang of criminals wants to recruit a new member into their gang. They put the new member through a test by having them commit a crime against a victim. It goes wrong because the new recruit gets cold feet though, and cannot go through with it.

The police discover the scene and arrest one of them, and the others get away. The police do not know who the others are, and only have the one. They also have the victim of the kidnapping who they want to testify against the arrested one. They are hoping to pressure the arrested one into cutting a deal and giving up the others.

The part I am having trouble is, is that the police to have to discover the kidnapping and the crime scene. Usually in these types of stories the police will discover the crime scene, and find clues to build off. However in my story's case, I want the two clues to be people that are found. But why would the villains leave two whole people behind though, is the tricky part I find to make plausible.

I have point A, which is the test for the new recruit going wrong, and point C, the police arrested one of them, and want the victim to testify against him. But I am not sure what point B would be to get from A to C without making the villains look stupid for leaving two people behind to be found.

Does anyone have any advice on how to approach this, or maybe I am doing something wrong? Thanks for any advice on it! I really appreciate it!



GGPViper
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16 Mar 2021, 5:55 pm

Some suggestions:

1. The villains *could* be stupid (or just plain unlucky) - just as in real life. It is not implausible that they simply screwed up the initiation by drawing undue (police) attention to themselves during the process.

2. The recruit didn't just get cold feet, but also panics and screws up completely, thus drawing attention to the criminal activity. When the other criminals run, he freezes up and is arrested.

3. The potential kidnapping victim was more savvy than expected, and manages to alert the police (with a personal attack alarm or emergency phone call, for instance).

4. The victim was more brawny than expected, and manages to both restrain/incapacitate one of the criminals (the one who gets arrested) before escaping and alerting the police.

5. The victim is successfully kidnapped but manages to escape because the recruit gets cold feet. One of the criminals takes pursuit, but is then apprehended by the police while desperately attempting to recapture the victim.

6. The recruit has a complete change of heart, lets the victim go and turns himself into the police, who arrests him.

7. Someone is a snitch. Despite careful timing and planning, the cops knew about the plan, and it was only through a stroke of sheer luck that most of the gang got away. The arrested gang member is their leader, and he is looking at a loooong time in prison. He first thinks the recruit sold them out, but it turns out that his own gang saw a chance to "retire" him, and they planned to set him up *with the victim*. Time for payback.

He's not cutting any deals.
He's cutting throats, instead. :skull:

OK, got a bit carried away with the 7th one...



ironpony
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16 Mar 2021, 6:20 pm

GGPViper wrote:
Some suggestions:

1. The villains *could* be stupid (or just plain unlucky) - just as in real life. It is not implausible that they simply screwed up the initiation by drawing undue (police) attention to themselves during the process.

2. The recruit didn't just get cold feet, but also panics and screws up completely, thus drawing attention to the criminal activity. When the other criminals run, he freezes up and is arrested.

3. The potential kidnapping victim was more savvy than expected, and manages to alert the police (with a personal attack alarm or emergency phone call, for instance).

4. The victim was more brawny than expected, and manages to both restrain/incapacitate one of the criminals (the one who gets arrested) before escaping and alerting the police.

5. The victim is successfully kidnapped but manages to escape because the recruit gets cold feet. One of the criminals takes pursuit, but is then apprehended by the police while desperately attempting to recapture the victim.

6. The recruit has a complete change of heart, lets the victim go and turns himself into the police, who arrests him.

7. Someone is a snitch. Despite careful timing and planning, the cops knew about the plan, and it was only through a stroke of sheer luck that most of the gang got away. The arrested gang member is their leader, and he is looking at a loooong time in prison. He first thinks the recruit sold them out, but it turns out that his own gang saw a chance to "retire" him, and they planned to set him up *with the victim*. Time for payback.

He's not cutting any deals.
He's cutting throats, instead. :skull:

OK, got a bit carried away with the 7th one...


Oh okay, thanks for the suggestions. Sorry for the confusion in my explanation. What I meant was, is that someone else in the gang of villains has to get left behind for the police to arrest. I want the new recruit to get away because I don't want him being arrested, so the plot can go a certain way with that character. But another gang member is arrested.

I could have the gang screw up this crime which draws the attention of the police in some way, or the crime would have to screw up in another way to draw their attention, like in your suggestions. However, the problem I was having is I no matter which way I cut it, I can't think of a way for the police to get there in time, as the time it would take to get there, the gang would be gone, and would take the victim with them, by the time the police arrived. It just seems I can't figure out how to make it so that they would leave two people behind, in the time it would take. But maybe I am wrong...



madbutnotmad
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16 Mar 2021, 6:44 pm

criminal gangs aren't always that bright
in my experience, most of the pseudo gangster i have met
well, they often aren't half as clever as they think they are
they often are very egotistical which gives them away
having a big ego makes them easy to provoke
such low level hoods are also usually mouthy
always bragging about their low level crimes
but trying to make themselves out to be bigger than they are

there are also those who think because they are born into wealth
they are gangsters

and those who are born into an established network of corruption
such as people from show biz families, or who have high level police / lawyers as parents
or who are born into inherited family power (such as the royal family etc).
Those who go to elite exclusive private schools
these people can also think they are part of an organised crime family
but in reality a lot of it is delusional and reinforced by their own group
who like to project the image that they are part of an elite untouchable mafia

when they are simply just spoilt rich kids, who do not have the connections
apart from power abuser connections

most criminals i know are on various drugs
people on drugs are often careless and can make massive mistakes

also
they say when it comes to real organised crime families
what often brings them down is either someone informing on them
or a woman

i have also seen other rival gangs or jealous people setting individuals up
so that people then think their victim is the snitch
when in many cases its to cover up that they are snitches (and just got off a big charge themselves)

lots of ideas there dude
this is how the people on the crap island i live on generally work

no real gangsters
just rich kids who get their mummy and daddy to set up their victims
who usually come from working class backgrounds

and by doing so they try and give out the image that they are gangsters

like carlton from fresh prince of bell air and his nob buddies
thinking their big mafia boss'es cause they use their daddies credit cards and are
sh***y to poor people

welcome to jersey



GGPViper
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16 Mar 2021, 6:48 pm

Well, round two, then...

- The gang moves around in multiple vehicles, but one vehicle (with the victim and the arrested gang member) breaks down/crashes/is intercepted by police etc. This also explains why the other gang members manage to get away, as they have their own vehicles.

- The police are already in close vicinity due to an unrelated event (traffic accident, domestic disturbance, security at an event etc.) and can respond quickly. Only 2 police officers are present, though, so they can only save the victim and apprehend a single gang member. By the time backup arrives, the rest have already escaped.

- As previously suggested, the victim can manage to incapacitate/injure a single gang member, escape and then elude the others until police arrives. In order to escape, the gang has no choice but to leave behind both the victim and their injured gang member.



ironpony
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16 Mar 2021, 7:48 pm

Oh okay, but I don't want the victim to escape because I want the police to recover the victim though. If the victim escapes the police will not know who it is. The victim does not want to go to the police later because she has things to hide that she risks exposing if she does. So the police have to find her at the scene I think therefore.

As for gangs being stupid and making mistakes. Well in the story the gang has not been caught for any of their crimes so far, so if they are to make a mistake this time, I just don't want it to seem inconsistent, since they have been smarter than the police the whole time, but now need to make their first mistakes. As long as it doesn't come off as inconsistent of course.