Joined: 11 Jun 2021 Age: 39 Gender: Male Posts: 203 Location: Canada
30 Jun 2021, 8:48 am
written to this beat
finally I'm out from under the earth no longer feeling like everything hurts breathing again what I thought might be ending finally after so long I'm finally mending
but what a joke, it couldn't ever be simple I look in the mirror, what festered just ain't no pimple missing pieces, nothing eases, nothing cohesive, just struggles and wheezes
everytime I look around, floor starts shiftin under me when I try to get a handle, always something to kick my legs out from under me this ain't no boat, at least sailors learned to sail I open my mouth and what hits my teeth either nothing or hail
I played games all my life, studied them, lived them hoped once upon a time I could make a living with em but what kinda sick game changes the rules at every breath? thought you were a construct? take a step and now you're aboleth
what's stability? it certainly ain't me carefully constructed yet rigidity never seen limits tested but it's like it's never been what can I do when destiny's so bloody mean
but at least... finally I'm out from under the earth no longer feeling like everything hurts breathing again what I thought might be ending finally after so long I'm finally mending
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It's not finished. That's just the limit of what I could finish before I think I might hit my limit, thus leaving it unfinished in a disatisfactorily unpostable state. I was inspired by NF when I started writing this. His pacing rubbed off on me, and the tone and topic resonated with me. At the time I was also (and still am) frustrating over how it feels like few things about my mental states, my limits, capabilities, preferences and even personality and identity are stable and consistent. It's like how I read in a sci-fi book once, a race of intelligent beings trying to make sense of a world with inconsistent laws of physics. Progress is stilted if not flat out impossible.
sigh... well at least I'm still alive. I'll figure something out someday.
_________________ Thank you deeply for sharing your experiences. I don't feel so alone anymore.
Joined: 27 Oct 2014 Age: 40 Gender: Non-binary Posts: 29,167 Location: Right over your left shoulder
30 Jun 2021, 11:15 am
Awesome, do you plan to record it?
_________________ "Many of us like to ask ourselves, What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now." —Former U.S. Airman (Air Force) Aaron Bushnell
Joined: 11 Jun 2021 Age: 39 Gender: Male Posts: 203 Location: Canada
30 Jun 2021, 12:17 pm
I'm not sure. I've got a lot of work to do before I could record something I'd be happy with. At most I'd perform for some friends after some practice if I ever finish the piece.
Thank you for the compliment. Glad you liked it.
_________________ Thank you deeply for sharing your experiences. I don't feel so alone anymore.
30 Jun 2021, 8:48 am
