Drawing what I been thinking

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I can’t believe I’m still mentally off balance. I been suffering almost a year and a half. They changed my meds last week and I’m still suffering. I drew my emotions on paper and showed it to my psychiatrist and he was deeply concerned since it’s been the same stuff since august 2021. I know I’m not supporting to give up on life, but my ocd makes me feeling otherwise. The art was a reenactment of my childhood experience of being to depressed to do anything and being sent to a psychiatric hospital. I feel a week or 2 in the hospital may be the only option. I don’t even know why I’m obsessed with what I am or feel the way I do. I’m always convinced it’s finally over but it keeps coming back. It’s almost as if we were put on this earth to suffer and feel pain. I wish I was made to stay in Heaven and I hate my earthly life so much.

First, I'm going to apologize in advance. I'm not great when it comes to giving people support. You know that thing people have in their heads that tells them the correct words to say to help people feel better? I'm missing that thing. Doesn't mean I don't care. Just means I'm clueless.

I'm not sure how your ocd plays out for you. But I can relate to drawing what's in your head. That was a huge help to me in processing a lot of the crap I was dealing with as a young person as well as intrusive thoughts (I was more o than c). Art can be a great therapeutic tool. I hope you are finding value and worth in it..hope it's a god outlet for you. Even if it seems temporary right now.

I'm a bit detached from the med roller coaster, but if it's only been a week, they might start to level out for you and become helpful. It might be worth mentioning this stuff to your psych person though. I don't know how long you should have to wait to see any benefit. But if you are concerned about going inpatient, it might be time to make a call to someone to get a switch or get reassurance to ride it out a day or two more. I really don't know. But I do know how awful those transitions can be. That's why I don't do meds anymore. I can't handle that stuff. Good on you for being able to. I lack that strength. Also, if you are thinking inpatient might be a good idea, it might be. Again, I dunno. It could be a simple med thing that will be better in a day or two. But they can monitor your med adjustment inpatient and that can be a huge help. Normally I go inpatient when I get to self destructing too much. If you can afford to do so, it might not be a terrible idea...but again..I dunno.

I wish I had better things to say, but I do hear you and I hope things get better for you sooner than later. Keep us posted, yeah?