Heaven's Queens: Please Critique my Short Story

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Honey69
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28 Jun 2023, 8:04 am

A fantasy story, but I'm posting in this section because it has to do with religion: the Bible, ancient Jewish practices, and Christianity (Catholic and Protestant)

https://losinger.altervista.org/documen ... Queens.pdf

I'm also touching on environmental themes.

What do you think? Any suggestions for improvement?

Or, will I be consigned to eternal damnation for blaspheme?


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aghogday
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28 Jun 2023, 12:06 pm



"Heaven's Queens," Indeed What is Missing Most in All Religious
Text Coming From Desert Scarcity of Tribal Wars and Tribal God's

Along With the 'Toxic Patriarchy' Necessary to 'Kill' The Human Aversion

To Killing Members of ItS Own Species; Namely Telling Boys They Cannot

Cry or Smile in 'Gay' Joy as Emotions Are the Darkness of Women Alone

Killing Human Empathy And
Compassion For Others Before

It Comes to Be Fully Human

Yet of Course Nothing Could
Be Further From the Truth

As An Open HeART Is the

Doorway to Organic SPiRiT

Emanating From A SoUL Free
With Wings Escaping A Jar of
Wind Aflight Out of PRiSoN SoUL Free

True; And That's Why my Personal Bible

Has the Divine Feminine of A Woman's Touch;

More Aptly Put; Women, to the Tunes Innumerable

From Around the World Who have Touched my SoUL

With The Divine Feminine They Set Free In Poetic Words...

Yawn...

There is More to

Life Than A Penis And
Vagina; However, Useful

(A Spiritual Realm of Ecstasy
Far Beyond All Associated With That)

Tools For Life and Pleasure They Are

Yet For A Book And the Other Old Sacred Texts

So Focused on Controlling the Reproductive Freedoms

of Women to Choose Their Own Mates to the Point Where

They Are Bought and Sold Like Cattle And Muted Like 'Nova'

off the

'Planet of
The Apes'

in That Same
Same Old 'Charlton
Heston Scene' As He

Continues to Grasp the
Dead Metal of His Guns With Coldest Fingers...

Or Whatever Else May Be Left off 'His' Humanity too...

SMiLes, Yes mY FRiEND, i Read All 20 Pages of Your Manuscript;

It Was Well Written And Brings This Interpretation of 'The Problem'

Whether or not
That was a Meaning

in Your Story You Intended
or Not; i Also Enjoyed the

Songs of 'Willard Losinger'

Years Ago too as Not Only Does

Reading 20 Times Faster than the
Average Human As Tested When Properly

Focused Give me the Advantage of Finishing
Your 20 Page Story in What Might Last For One
Page For A Person Even Focused Enough to Finish

That in A Twitter World Size of Reciprocal Communication,
if Any at all these days; i Have Nearly A Photographic Memory

for Text, Which
Means, i Don't
Even Need to
Know Your Name

to Know Who You are,

Whether i Read You Now

or Even A Decade or So Ago hehe...

Anyway, Sincerely, i Appreciate Your
Creative Wit as a Refreshing Addition
to the Wrong Planet; 'Again,' Keep Up the Great

WorK, i Don't Exclude People For Writing 20 Page Stories, hehe...

And Just As An example of the Proficiency of my Memory, i remember
One of the Few Words You Responded Back to me Before With "The

Gents
Would
Probably
Like Those Pictures too.."

Trust me Hehe, The Women Still Do...

Any Man Who Doesn't Want to Live A Life
Lonely Without a Divine Feminine Touch
Will Only Need to Express Proficiency
In A Dance And Song of 'David' Free

As Trust me or Not, i've Never Impressed
Or Brought Sparkles to A Woman's Eyes

Telling the Story of How i Still Warm Up
At the Military Gym Leg Pressing 1540 Pounds
12 Reps at age 63; Some Dudes Still Don't Get the Scientific

FACT

That Women
Are Turned on

More By a Man's
Original Fearless Creativity

STiLL NoW Than Any 'Trump Fat
Wallet' Alone That Has to Pay for What is Truly Mostly Free...

The Old Bible is Written Mostly to Appeal to the Tribal Instinct of Killing the Enemy...

That has its Place; Yes, in Desert Scarcity, Mostly Among Dudes Where People are Starving
Yet it Damn Sure

Has No

Home

in 'Eden'

Where i Live

With Eve and
All Her 'FRiEnDS'
Around the World For Free...

And Of Course, i Bring the Literal
Evidence Everywhere i Go in Terms
As Small As What Fits in 6 Inch Screens,

When i Whip it Out to SHow the size of the 'SonG oF mY SoUL'...

Anyway, Isn't Full Retirement From the Federal Government
at 100 percent

at 62 Great!

Gives Plenty of
Room To Explore
All Your Creative Gifts, Indeed!

Hehe, Particularly When You Retire
15 Or So Years Ago at 60 Percent offset
Early At the Price of Life's Challenges, Eventually Overcome..:)



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Honey69
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28 Jun 2023, 12:38 pm

Thanks for your poetic response!


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aghogday
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28 Jun 2023, 12:39 pm

Honey69 wrote:
Thanks for your poetic response!


You Are Very Welcome..:)


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The_Walrus
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28 Jun 2023, 1:45 pm

[Moved to Art, Writing, and Music]