Communication

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I want to write.

I want to speak out with my voice and in my own language, and be understood.
I want to be able to move when I talk, in the way my body wants to move.

I rock, I pace, my leg bounces when I'm sitting.
I talk out loud to myself, I grunt and make small noises from time-to-time for no apparent reason.

I speak.

My thoughts crash through my head at break-neck-speed while my mouth attempts, in vain, to keep up.
And even more in vain are the efforts of others who try to tie together my words and sentences bestrewed before us in a sometimes jumbled mess.

My speech is riddled with gaps, small but annoying fissures, where words or complete thoughts have disappeared much to the frustration of my audience.
I know what I have said because I have said it in my mind; the sentence having passed by like a stream of lights flashing the message on an electronic sign.
You miss the parts I cut out as I speak and I don't know this until you stop me with a quizzical look and verbal cue that I've seemingly strayed off on another tangent.

Back to the written word.
These characters we have trained ourselves to recognize as readily as the thoughts that pass in our minds.
The structure punctuated by even more characters. Symbols, that substitute for vocal inflections, the rise and fall of pitch, the tone.
I play the music, loud, repetitive, to keep some corner of my mind full and occupied so that I may concentrate fully on that part of my brain overburdened by emotions, thoughts, pressing against the thinnest of membranes able to hold them all back.
My fingers tap against the keyboard, sometimes inconsistently, waiting for the next wave of thoughts.
I feel the rush and in rapid-fire sequences these mental images of words are transposed to the screen of my computer.
Words used to exist on paper for me, scratched into place with pen and pencil.
These works lay stored away in a folder, waiting for the moment I stumble upon them again and pause to reflect back on my life.

Writing frees my mind.

Yet still, I am misunderstood.

I want to draw.

I take pen to paper and allow my hand and mind to unconsciously describe a line, an arc, a shape.
I add to these with as little thought as possible.
Sometimes the pictures take on a randomness that is beautiful.
Sometimes the pictures take on a randomness that is confusing until you look beyond the largest of images, breaking up the parts, scanning for small intricacies that connect with something in your subconscious, evoking memories, feelings, or... perhaps... just more confusion as to what I really mean.

I have said it all.
These words I leave for you.
Fini

Last edited by wsmac on 14 Sep 2007, 3:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nice poem

Someone better start an Asperger magazine...WSMAC really needs one for his long literary works!

Someone better start an Asperger magazine...WSMAC really needs one for his long literary works!

If it's worth saying once... it's worth saying twice?

Sometimes I think I should just post my writings instead of writing posts.



btw... thanks

Wow that was gorgeous. I could feel the rythm, and I understood and felt somewhere in me that I'm the same way, that I feel those emotions, that my mind too rushes this way. I've never heard how I feel spelled out quite like that. It really moved me.

Yes! and some people are working on it already!

Go to the "General Autism Discussion" and read the thread called "Asperger's Magazine." It's pretty exciting I think. An editor is stepping up to the plate and she has some definite ideas and the thread is devoted to discussing plans and possibilities. (I think I've got that right) It will have a wide range of content. I suspect there may be so much pent up expressive energy that what might be coming is a wave of aspie and autie inspired little magazines, zines, blogs, et cetera with lots of cross-links. Maybe this is already happening. Oh I feel like a missionary, oh my!

anyway, take a look!

Thanks for the "plug" emergingartist,you said it so I dont have to.....

I agree with the sentiment of the original poster and those who appriciate his words and this is exactly WHY I think we need a magazine.....I am dropping heavy hints here....(lots of (OK where is the nudge,nudge emoticom ).I hope you all will be patient with the maazine.I am working a full time job while trying to put this together and I have some major executive skills issues.....


I didnt want to steal the show,point is this is great writing and we want this and more for the magazine.

Thanks for the comments.

Thanks for the effort to raise a magazine... that sounds great. I'll go check it out!

I did want to ask something though...

Seriously now....

Did I use the word "lay" correctly?

I think I did, but then I started out saying "lie".

A tricky question! Since you are using the present tense "lie" would be correct. "lay" is the past tense of "lie." (unless you are laying something in the folder, in which case it is a transitive verb (taking an object) By the way, this is what I thought but I googled "lie lay grammar" just to be sure.

Yeah, I did too, but I came away still unsure.
Maybe I should do it over in Spanish.