My narrative: Conservatitis in my new Socialist State.....

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A left-leaning man walks into his local NHS doctors' practice, looking most miserable.

DOCTOR: Hello, sir, what can I do for you today.

MAN: Well doctor, this may sound a bit strange, but I've been having lots of random right-wing thoughts recently.......

DOCTOR: Go on, Explain??

MAN: Well, they are like spasms and they won't go away. It is affecting my work as a councillor for the Socialist Party.

DOCTOR: Sir, what are the exact symptoms. It is important you tell me......

MAN: Well (stammering) well........when I was watching the news last night, I suddenly thought what a good idea it was to invade Iraq, .......I mean, I don't really think that, but it just came into my head......

DOCTOR: And let me guess (getting excited now), you also get random thoughts of taking away Benefits for single mothers, imposing a Christian Theocratic State,.........oh, and that ...

MAN: (crying) please doctor, don't mention any more, it is too painful..........and, and, I don't even have a right to this doctor's appointment because I haven't paid for it .......(wailing). Perhaps I should go private....

DOCTOR: NO (alarmed now), No, there is no need for that, sir. Just bear with me, and you will soon be as right as rain.

The Doctor goes to the corner of the room and wheels over what looks like a Van de Graaff generator with a metal helmet attached. On the side is a gauge showing the entire political spectrum with communism on the left in red, and facism on the right in black.

DOCTOR: This, sir is the Politicometer. If you would just let me take some readings.........

The metal helmet is put over the man's head and the device is switched on. The pointer moves right across the spectrum, passes the centre point, and settles just a millimetre left of the "Conservative" mark.

DOCTOR: What did you say you were again, Sir?

MAN: (worried) A Democratic Socialist, doctor.

DOCTOR: Well, in that case, you have suffered a 50% deviation to the Right, which would show you have a more severe case...

MAN: Case of what, doctor.......

DOCTOR: (laughing) Clinical Conservatitis.......

MAN: what..............

DOCTOR: Its the psychological equivalent of a bacterial infection. It is spread by coming into contact with Conservative bigots. Its perfectly curable. Let me see, I can offer you a range of drugs, but Socialozac seems the best option. Take one in the morning, and two before you watch the news in the evening.

MAN: Thank you doctor.... You can't believe how relieved I am......

DOCTOR: Not a problem, Sir, all free on the National Health Service.......(winks)

The man turns towards the door....

DOCTOR: Before you go, Sir, I can also prescribe you Michael Moore's Fahrenhait 9/11 and "Stupid White Men". You'll be Bush-bashing again in no time...

THE END

i love it! but i hate you because it makes the jokes i sent you look rubbish in comparison!

i don't really hate you- but you must promise NEVER to be this funny again. ever!

I'm glad you like it .

And no, darling, I will try not to be this funny ever again!!

Geez, I don't know what to say. I think I'm suffering from conservatitis!
Doctor! Doctor! Is there a cure?

Are you typically left-wing, but think right-wing thoughts??

DOCTOR: Let me see, now, Neant. I think you should draw up a chart of all the bad things Bush has done since 2000, and recite it to yourself every morning. For starters:

1) The Iraq war was for oil and it killed over 30,000 (low estimate) Iraqis and a few thousand soldiers. There was little or no benefit to it, and Iraq is still in chaos today. They don't want us there, simple as that.

2) Bush's social security and healthcare cuts have left millions in the US without the necessities of life, whilst the rich just get richer.

3) Bush cheated in the 2000 elections, when Al Gore should have won Florida, and therefore the Presidency.