Is this a good song? (Warning - First Draft)

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Haha, nobody can copy it now!! ! *muhahaha*
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Last edited by ebec11 on 14 Apr 2008, 9:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

Just by the way, if anybody copies this, I will seriously freak out and track you down. This piece means A LOT to me.

I like it, it's obviously very personal and autobiographical. Lyrics are not my thing as much as melodies- that being said my main suggestion would be less pronouns. There are only two characters in your song, I don't think as many lines need to start with a pronoun. It's clear without that many, and will give you more opportunity to play with the flow of the words.

Yeah, very well written. I'd say you have a few good options if you want to make a song of that. Ford's right, you may want to cut out some of the he/she's; as far as genre though, I'd do that either as folk (just sit there with a guitar) or trip hop (something like Maxi Jazz from Faithless would pick for his more autobiographical and introspective verses).

It's for a school project, and it's supposed to be a song A Ballad if you want specifics.
I agree with the pronouns, though I didn't think about it before
Since we have to present it, I'm thinking of either a guitar, piano or flute background (I have some cds, since I can't actually play any instrument besides the flute, and I can't sing and play it.)
I don't have a singing voice though...worrisome, but maybe I could make it a soft spoken word piece? Hmmm...

You could have Lyle here play his acoustic guitar in the background.

come and find me

If you did, you would HAVE to publish your name, so I could find you based on that. Please don't, I really would be upset.

Calm down, Ir eally doubt anyone would steal some random lyrics on the net. I feel you're being a tad paranoid. If you're that nuts over it, put your signature and date on a copy of it then post it to yourself.

As for the lyrics, I can't analyse them cause they were taken down, but without hearing any music we can't analyse how good it is as a 'song' anyway.